Trash and treasure

I now know for certain who reads the Bangor Daily News — people who have trash that they want to get rid of and other people who want it.

You may remember that last Saturday’s Penobscot Page was topped off with a story about how Bangor is conducting its own spring cleanup during this the 20th anniversary of Earth Day, Earth Week and Earth Month.

Here’s the deal. The Public Works Department will haul off the big broken things that people can’t fix and don’t want from the West Side this week. It will do the same for the East Side next week — if there is anything left.

By Sunday afternoon, it was obvious that most people on the West Side, especially in my neighborhood, had read Saturday’s paper.

Automatic washing machines and clothes dryers that no longer look new, hot water heaters with panels missing and wires showing, and battered couches and bulky storm windows had been carried and dragged to the side of the streets to be hauled away in the big trucks from the city.

But other people had also read Saturday’s story. They wanted all of the stuff that my neighbors and I were throwing away. And they knew when to come looking for it.

By Sunday evening, every beat-up pickup truck, dirty van and battered station wagon within 40 miles was circling the block and examining the piles of junk — like vultures waiting for an old prospector to die of thirst in the desert.

This crowd certainly reinforced the idea that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. If they saw something they wanted, they stopped, grabbed it and drove away — without saying a word. The junk vultures picked the street clean.

I have to believe they have saved the city, and its taxpayers, a bundle of money because the public works crowd will have to haul away only 20 percent of what was originally put out for the spring cleanup.

But I am baffled about what the vultures think they got for their efforts. We Haskells did not throw away the good stuff. Neither did our neighbors. If it will help, here is what was wrong with some of my family’s junk that the vultures hauled away.

That yellow vinyl chair? You can’t sit in that chair. It is slippery and the seat tilts down and out. It’s best suited for a mother-in-law.

Beware of the typing table. Yes, it is heavy, and it is solid. And when it is locked into position and you are typing on it, the right front leg will dig a hole into your floor. Then you and your wife can have it out.

The combination door is warped. It will not close tightly. It will not fit into the door frame. That’s why there is a new combination door on my front entrance.

Ditto the hardwood door. Help yourself to the door knob. It’s pretty badly worn. I kept the brass hinges.

The exercise bike is a lemon. First the chain broke. Then the left pedal broke. Then, after I had sweated off a cumulative total of 400 pounds, the handlebars broke off. Good riddance.

But of all the things that were taken, the clothes dryer was the real surprise. The surprise is going to be for the young couple in the blue van who grabbed that dryer Monday morning. First, it doesn’t have a door. Second, it doesn’t have a heating element. Enjoy.