In response to Donald Brown’s letter (Readers Write, May 17), I agree that determining custody and support of minor children of divorced parents are very emotional issues, and that in most cases, both parents love and want to be with their children.

In regard to “primary physical residence” awarded to the mother irrespective of the father’s willingness and ability to care for the children, this usually occurs because most fathers know their children need their mother, because they are by nature better nurturers….

If you were to add up the hours in a day that an average father spends nurturing his children, you would see that it is not nearly the amount that the mother spends. And believe it or not, some children are better off when parents divorce, because the child usually gets more time and attention from dad during visits than they would if the parents had remained together.

In regard to the “financial effects of child support,” the mother and child need the extra income. There are two of them where there is only one dad. Fathers do not lose access to their children, they do have visitation rights, and if the father does lose his house, it is because the child needs a home. Those fathers who complain are not thinking of their child’s well-being, only of their wallet.

There is no ideal balance, and there never will be as long as there are children involved in divorce cases. Perhaps these things should be considered and carefully before a couple with children decides to divorce, and perhaps there would be fewer divorces and happier children. Karen A. Dowling Bangor

I fully agree with Donald Brown that “…Maine district court decisions regarding child support of minor children, makes erroneous assumptions and fails to truly represent this delicate issue.” I cannot speak regarding the custody issue, but I agree that the majority of custody cases result in the women gaining physical custody of children. This is changing in today’s society and more and more males are awarded custody of their minor children.

Realistically speaking, all too often is the single-mother scenario painted with erratic child-support payments with the absent father having little or no participation in the children’s lives….

If I decided I didn’t want to support my child for even a week or two, this would most definitely be termed neglect by the Maine court system. Penalty by law would be fierce should I neglect my child, therefore why should the penalty be any less severe for the absent parent?…

I firmly believe that parents who separate can still maintain open communication lines and accessibility to the children as long as both parents have the best interests of the children at heart….

I agree that this balancing act Brown refers to has a long way to go, but it has a long way to go to be fair to single parents and ultimately, the children themselves….

It’s unfortunate that most absent parents do not share his concern….

I, like most parents, want the best for my child and that “best” would be more accessibility with both parents’ participation.

Only you can render yourself “helpless as a father.” No one can render you helpless unless you allow them to. Susan K. Gibson Perry

I cannot believe people can be so ignorant as to think divorced women who receive child support better their lifestyle with what little they get. Does Donald Brown really believe court-ordered support is enough to help raise a child properly? I can tell him first hand that it isn’t.

Who does Brown think loses time and pay from work when the kids are sick, and who pays for all the non-prescription medication, food, clothing, haircuts? It goes on and on. As for fathers who lose access to their children, isn’t it really by choice? Robin Freese Bangor