Gov. goes golfing for dollars

About 40 fat cats plunked down $5,000 apiece this week for the Re-Elect Gov. McKernan campaign and in exchange they got the privilege of hacking at golf balls with Gov. John McKernan and President George Bush at Woodlands Country Club in Falmouth.

McKernan netted $200,000 or more from the hackers, who were not representing themselves but corporations like UNUM and Forster Manufacturing, and probably some PACs. The limit on individual donations is $1,000 apiece.

Now this event — the largest political fund-raiser ever held in Maine — raises some interesting questions and some definite possibilities for more imaginative fund-raisers.

I like George Bush, what I’ve seen of him, and like most Americans, I approve of his handling of the Persian Gulf crisis and that sinister eye-plucking weirdo, Saddam Hussein.

If Bush wants to vacation in Maine while America prepares for possible war, more power to him. In your face, Saddam.

But this hit-a-golf-ball-for-Jock event and others like it, while an unavoidable part of politics in the 90s, seems to diminish the president just a tad, as though part of him is for sale.

The Maine Times reported this week that former Congressman David Emery was offering three-day holidays in Kennebunkport to PACs that gave him $5,000. The highlight of the holiday would be a photo opportunity with the vacationing Bush.

If McKernan can raise $200,000 for his re-election campaign by offering fat cats a chance to tee off against the president, there must be many similar opportunities out there, and some that would seem less elitist.

Golf is not McKernan’s best sport, tennis is. Why not play tennis with the governor at the Blaine House courts, no less, in exchange for a tidy campaign donation?

Bush seems hung up on horseshoes. Hum horseshoes with the president, throw ringers for Republicans. Or maybe a George Bush fishing derby. Even a speedboat race!

McKernan has multiple talents to command.

He could charge money for autographs. I hear that’s what baseball stars do nowadays.

Basketball is a strong suit for the governor, but his knees may be too creaky at 42.

A lot of aging jocks would like to go one-on-one with McKernan. A half-court fund-raiser could be arranged at the Blaine House, where McKernan has installed a nice hoop and backboard on the black-top driveway.

Like McKernan, and generations of New England boys, I grew up entertaining fantasies of one day playing for the Boston Celtics. I used to dream about it while I slept — Red Auerbach calls me up at playoff time — until I settled down a few years ago.

I’d join McKernan for a game of “H.O.R.S.E.” — that’s the one where you shoot, but don’t run. Of course, as a non-partisan journalist, I wouldn’t donate to his campaign, nor to that of his hard-charging challenger, Democrat Joe Brennan.

The Brennan camp may just have been trying to point out the high-rolling nature of the Bush-McKernan fairway fund-raiser, but I swear the same day they had their $5,000-a-hole party, Brennan was putting on a $4-a-head “Italian sandwich night” in Portland.

Don’t feel sorry for Munjoy Joe, though. He’s got Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell on his side, and he’s led McKernan in fund-raising since the word “go.”

Brennan could tap his inner-city talents for a fund-raising pool-shoot. He was a pool shark at the Blaine House and something of a card player. If Brennan wins, he won’t know what to do with the Blaine House tennis court or basketball hoop.

Up in the 2nd District, barnstorming Pat McGowan could offer big donors flights in his private plane. Adventurous supporters could go sky-diving with Pat.

“Come fly with me (at $5,000 a trip)” should be McGowan’s campaign motto.

House Speaker John “Czar” Martin, who apparently has no problem raising money, could offer fans a chance to sit in his throne and wield his mighty gavel. Maybe they could even try on Martin’s tail coat for a price. Or, as Mitchell likes to say, kiss his ring.

Now if I were going to plan a fund-and-games fund-raiser for myself, what sport would I choose? Golf is definitely out. I can’t hit the ball.

Basketball is out, too. Maybe ping-pong, though I haven’t played in years. I used to be fairly good at darts. There’s a sport that Brennan might like. It’s played mainly in English pubs.

About the only thing I can come up with for my fund-raiser would be spelling. I’m pretty good at spelling. A spelling-bee fund-raiser. Or maybe Trivial Pursuit.

The Bush-McKernan golf outing was a trivial pursuit for a president and a governor, but obviously an extremely profitable one. John Hale is the NEWS State House Bureau chief.