Tips for writing to the president

WASHINGTON — To get a personal response from George Bush, your letter should be clever, cute, profound, well-reasoned, heartwarming, funny, gut-grabbing. P.S. You need to be lucky.

The White House replies to nearly every personal letter to the president and first lady. But there’s only a very tiny chance that Bush will see your letter and write back.

In most cases, the reply will come in a nice form letter from Shirley M. Green, the correspondence chief.

Here are a few letter-writing tips:

Where to write: The White House, Washington, D.C. 20500.

Problems with Social Security, Veterans Administration, etc., will be forwarded to the proper agency. Don’t expect a White House reply.

Do allow four weeks’ notice if you want a birthday or anniversary card sent to someone. Don’t despair. The reply is mailed one week before the critical date.

Don’t ask for a card unless it’s a 50th or subsequent wedding anniversary or an 80th or after birthday. Otherwise, you’ll get a form letter saying just that. Exceptions are made for illness and special circumstances. Be sure to spell them out, and give the exact wedding or birth date.

(A little known fact: If you send the Bushes a birth or wedding announcement, you’ll probably get a pretty engraved congratulations card in return. It helps if you also write a little personal note.)

First dog Millie usually answers her mail.

Even if you’re not on the Bushes’ Christmas card list, you can write and ask for one. Any leftovers are sent to supplicants on a first-come basis. Write now to get one from the Christmas 1991 batch.

Don’t send money or stamps. They’ll be returned. Contributions to reduce the national debt should go to the U.S. Treasury, Bureau of Public Debt, Dept. G., Washington, D.C. 20239-0601.