Personal and Financial Survival Kit

Looking for low-cost entertainment during these dreary, war- and economic-disaster-filled days? Peruse these suggested ways to keep your mind and wallet occupied during the winter of 1991:

Take the dog for a walk. If you don’t own a dog, take the children for a walk. If you’re dogless and childless, take yourself for a walk.

If you’re inclined to indoor exercise, take a long walk through the mall.

Break out the exercise bike/rowing machine/home gym/whatever and work off that post-Christmas flab.

Rent a movie. Pop some popcorn, take the phone off the hook (or let your answering machine do the talking for you), curl up on the couch, and watch the show.

Go sledding. Find a snowy slope, dust off the plastic sled or inflated tube, and take a spin on the wild slide.

Go cross-country skiing. Don’t own any skis? Drop by the nearest cross-country ski center, rent some equipment, and head out on the trails.

Borrow a snowmobile from a friend, kick in the price of gas and oil, and head out on the trails.

Attend a basketball game featuring the men’s or women’s teams from the University of Maine. Tickets cost $7 for a men’s game and $5 for a women’s game. The excitement level and play quality is the same for both teams. Get your tickets at the door. Plenty of seating available.

Attend a basketball game at the local campus of your friendly University of Maine System or take in a game at Husson College or your local technical college. You’ll face your choice of seats.

Attend a local high school basketball game. Where else can you find such excitement for a $2 ticket and a 50-cent hot dog or soda?

Attend a drama presentation or music concert at a local high school. The same benefits apply as to those enjoyed at a basketball game.

Take in a hockey game at the University of Maine. Tickets are $6 for standing room only. Call the Athletic Ticket Office at 581-BEAR (581-2327).

Take in a high school hockey game. You’ll pay less for admission than to a UM hockey game, and you’ll find a seat without any problem.

Go on a “Scud hunt.” On one of those cold Saturday mornings when you don’t feel like venturing outside, grab your faithful “Dustbuster” and pretend you’re Norman Schwarzkopf looking for Iraqi Scuds (in this case, dust balls).

Update your photo albums by taking advantage of those “we’ll develop everything for $2.99” specials to get your undeveloped film printed.

Update the family tree by interviewing older relatives.

Enroll in a college course or in an adult-education program.

Buy a daily or weekly newspaper and force yourself to read the sections you normally wouldn’t touch. A good way to simultaneously occupy your mind and educate yourself.

Write a letter to the editor of the newspaper.

Better yet, write a guest column on a subject that really peeves or interests you. Caution: Check the facts before submitting your column. This will avoid any embarrassment you might feel if someone else writes in and refutes your arguments.

Call a friend. Lack a conversation starter? Turn on the evening news and get an idea of what’s happening in the world (not a problem during our War with Iraq). Call your friend and say, “Do you know what just happened in Augusta (Washington, Moscow, Tel Aviv, or wherever)?”

Call a relative. A real good conversation starter might be, “Hey, didn’t I see your name in `Police Beat’?” Gets ’em every time.

A word of caution on calling friends and relatives. Make sure it isn’t a toll call (see the definition of “low-cost entertainment” above).

Take out the Iraqi Air Force. Go through the house while getting a “missile-lock” on all the clothing discarded by your kids or spouse. As you swoop down to grab a dirty T-shirt or pair of socks, mutter “Here goes Mom, shooting down an Iraqi Mig.” A good way to vent your frustrations at people who can’t define the word “hamper.”

Play B-52 pilot. Drop those shot-down Migs all at once into the washing machine.

Pretend you’re Madcap Hussein. Order your kids to fold all those shot-down Migs once they’ve been washed and dried. Feel the power at your disposal as your teen-agers complain about the “lack of a democratic process in this house.” Threaten to shoot their privileges if your kids don’t comply with your demands.

Take in a bean supper at a local church. You pay $3, $4, or whatever, and eat all you want.

Write a friend or relative.

Visit a friend or relative.

Play a game with a friend or relative. A word of advice: If you’re playing a video game with your kids, be prepared to lose. Kids expect that. If you win, you’ll earn their respect.

Curl up with your younger children and read a bedtime story to them.

Call your adult child(ren) and mutter something like, “Haven’t seen or heard from you in a while. I’m updating my will, you know.” Lay the guilt trip on thick and heavy. Works most of the time.

Invite the grandchildren over for an evening or a Saturday. This accomplishes two goals: You get to make friends with the people who are your eyes to the future, and your child and child-in-law get some time together.

Visit your public library. You’d be surprised at the available books and periodicals you can sign out.

Split and stack some firewood. If you’re physically unable to do so, hire a neighbor’s kid to do it for you. While he’s stacking the wood, you get to play “supervisor” by telling him exactly where and how you want the wood stacked. Note: Pay the kid well, not so much for stacking the wood, but for putting up with your supervising.

Volunteer to do something somewhere. Coach a children’s sports team, run the concession stand at the high school basketball game, sing in the church choir, just do something. You’d be amazed at how having something to do on a cold winter’s night keeps you feeling busy and makes the time pass.