Assault by hose and nozzle

Help! All of the hostages have not been freed. There are approximately 4,500 peole being held hostage in Calais by our local gas dealders and their scandalous prices ($1.33 9/10 for unleaded regular). We are being brutally assaulted by a rubber hose and nozzle.

We hear word from the outside the gas in Portalnd is $1.05 a gallon and in Bangor is $1.07 a gallon. Surely, this cannot be true!

Seeing that no one in Augusta will sent anyone to negotiate our relief maybe someone from a community-minded company will come to our rescue.

They capped the oil wells of Kuwait, too bad they couldn’t cap the gas pumps of Calais. Don’t tie a yellow ribbon around a tree for us, make it green, as that’s about the only thing green we have left.

Shirl Campbell

Calais