For many years the federal Department of Justice more or less forgot that northern Maine exists. That was fine with us. We can take care of our own affairs.

Now, through the efforts of Sen. Bill Cohen, we find ourselves blessed with five new Washington bureaucrats as close to us as Bangor.

The Alchol, Tobacco and Firearms people are sending a man to protect us from those dangerous religious fanatics at Sabbathday Lake and the despicable bootleg mead brewers of Old Town.

Two crack DEA agents will teach our woefully undereducated local police the virtues of violating constitutional law with impunity.

As for the two new men from the FBI, what can I say? We need to nip these radical communist Greens in the bud before they have a chance to currupt the entire nation. Yes, sir, we really need these new feds to show us ignorant provincials how it’s done in the kinder, gentler America. Mark L. Humphrey Northeast Harbor