Properly preplanning honeymoon can often avoid future problems

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He’s asked, “Will you?”

She’s responded, “Of course.”

They’ve planned their wedding, even paying attention to such minutiae as color-coordinating the bridesmaids’ dresses and floral arrangements and giving the DJ specific directions to the reception site.

But, what are the starry-eyed couple going to do the day after the wedding?

Honeymoon, naturally.

Prenuptial planning usually emphasizes the wedding and renders scant detail to the honeymoon. However, when the curtain falls on the one-shot wedding day, the honeymoon affects the newlyweds’ initial life together. Proper planning can avoid future nuptial squabbles caused by unfulfilled (or unrealistic) honeymoon expectations.

The issue? Affordability

Two generations ago, newlyweds were probably happy if they could get away somewhere in Maine for their honeymoon. In our continent-transcending society, however, state- and border-hopping often occurs during honeymoons.

Miami Beach. Niagara Falls. Bermuda. Maybe a Mexican destination. Locales considered unaffordable in the 1940s are commonplace today.

Unaffordable? Ah, there’s the rub. Not only has a generational expectancy shifted from nearby to far away: so has the cost.

Rule No. 2 for effective honeymoon planning? Newlyweds should pick a place they can afford, which means that they don’t ratchet upwards their credit-card charges.

If that’s No. 2, what’s No. 1?

If affordability is Rule No. 2, then what’s Rule No. 1?

Simple: Take a proper honeymoon.

Even in a society where the word cohabitation no longer raises eyebrows, newlyweds need adjustment time. Until the appropriate official declared them legally married, the newlyweds remained singles.

Suddenly they’re a couple, two individuals committed to a relationship in which each one’s desires are important. The honeymoon represents a few days, maybe a week, where the newlyweds are utterly alone (or should be), away from family and friends.

Use the honeymoon to get to know each other — and not only in the biblical sense. Share life deliciously for this precious time, for when reality rudely intrudes at honeymoon’s finale, a husband and wife must naturally divert their attention to other issues.

Selecting a destination

When planning their honeymoon, an engaged couple should discuss their own dream destinations. He envisions the mountains, she likes the seashore. Las Vegas would be OK for him, Waikiki Beach for her.

Jot down the ideas, then debate their merits. Pay attention to costs (if affordability’s an issue). The air fare to Honolulu International could equate a full week in the Poconos (a popular destination for Philadelphia newlyweds) or the Green Mountains.

Pay attention to logistics. Spending a full day traveling either way on a honeymoon subtracts from the actual fun time. If time in the car or on a plane is OK, fine; if not, opt for a destination closer to home.

If divergent destinations linger, compromise. He wants the mountains, but she insists on the ocean. A reasonable compromise: Why not split the honeymoon between the White Mountains and Cape Cod? Both people fulfill their desires — and perhaps learn to appreciate the other’s idea of a good time.

By the way, the weather will affect the destination. A January wedding in Houlton equals frigid conditions in North Conway, but prime vacation time in Orlando. A July wedding means comfortable temps on Prince Edward Island, but sweltering conditions in Washington, D.C.

The events calendar

Just as an actual honeymoon affords newlyweds time to know each other, so does their events calendar.

During their honeymoon, newlyweds will probably visit some local sites and dine out. Although such activity is educational, each undertaken public event can subtract from the requisite quiet time together.

Our hectic society demands that people go, go, and go, pedal to the metal. A honeymoon, however, should be the time when newlyweds kick back and relax. A busy events calendar can only exhaust them, leaving them too busy to listen to each other.

Try to balance time together in public with time together in private.

Family involvement

Unfortunately, parents often insert themselves into planning weddings. If Mom and Dad are footing the bill, they’ve gained the leverage — if they use it.

Not all do.

The wedding and honeymoon belong to the engaged couple. Recognize, though, the social obligations inherent in nuptial planning. Parents use the occasion to invite selected friends and relatives, and many weddings truly are social affairs.

But honeymoons are not.

If parental involvement has altered their wedding plans, an engaged couple should not tolerate such infringement on their honeymoon plans, unless they do not mind. Graciously accept any input from the older generation, but insist on “doing our own thing.”

One beatitude that didn’t make it into the Sermon on the Mount: “Blessed be those parents who don’t interfere in their children’s wedding.”

On a need-to-know basis

Occasionally there are those friends or relations who, with a warped sense of humor, insist on plaguing the newlyweds from post-reception to honeymoon arrival.

It’s not enough to vandalize the newlyweds’ vehicle with a sign, balloons, and streamers. These amateur comedians will even harrass the newlyweds on their wedding night, perhaps by pounding on the door about 2 a.m. and making strange phone calls to the honeymoon suite.

This activity has a historical basis. In 1st century Palestine, a Jewish wedding could last for days. In the end, the bridegroom’s friends (strictly male) would escort him to the bridal chambers and make sure the door was shut. Human behavior can only suggest that many a frustrated groom yelled “go away” at his friends as they giggled and sniggered all night outside his door.

Mel Gibson’s “Braveheart” portrays the ultimate nuptial harrassment, the medieval practice called droit du seigneur. The local lord could legally take a vassal’s bride on her wedding night, then return her the next morning.

To avoid disruptive harrassment, keep the honeymoon destination (at least the first night’s) strictly on a need-to-know basis. Give the information to a trusted relative or friend, unless the bride or groom has younger children. In that situation, they should be told so they won’t worry about where everyone went.