Remarried families more complex than the “Brady Bunch” let viewers perceive

Who could have guessed that “The Brady Bunch,” a popular situation comedy about a happily blended family, would unwittingly become a recognizable model for some of today’s families? While this fictive family’s composition seemed an anomaly in the 60s, no-fault divorce, women’s enhanced employment options, and evolving societal norms have recognized the remarried family as a 90s reality.

Although Marsha, Jan, Cindy, Greg, Peter and Bobby Brady had their tiffs, they always resolved their stepsibling squabbles before the episode’s end. The reason why the show lasted so long — into reruns and a recent full-length film — was probably because the characters’ problems mirrored actual family life.

When they choose to marry, couples commonly share affection, dreams, resources, and goals. Add a ready-made family with children to the equation, and unexpected physical, economic, and personal problems may arise that are not as easily remedied as the Bradys’ issues.

Three problems areas that frequently plague remarried families include: financial burdens, role ambiguity, and negative feelings of children who don’t want the new family to work, especially if they have sustained a primary relationship loss. Variant living arrangements involving either party’s children, who frequently visit a noncustodial parent, can lead to limitless alternatives that frustrate already uncertain relationship guidelines.

Since humans are naturally territorial, few kids will cheerfully share their room with another child, especially if that child is younger. Even children who share their age and gender will likely squabble about relinquishing a piece of their room. The late Sen. Margaret Chase Smith practiced “agreeable disagreement” when conflicts arose; even wartime enemies adopt rules of engagement. So it makes sense for blended family members to do likewise.

Unlike consanguineous families, who are related by blood, affinity groups like remarried families, who are not blood-related, must initially decide where to live and how to apportion resources and responsibilities. Though it may pose economic hardship, starting from scratch with “our” home can help to avoid “yours” and “mine” battles.

Clear communication is key to inter- and intra-family relations. Schedule frequent family meetings and encourage everyone to listen attentively and participate politely in conversations. Sociologists, who study families, recommend creating a residence-sharing agreement that

Establishes clear standards for cleanliness and orderliness. “Don’t leave the kitchen in a mess” leaves too much ambiguity;

Determines who is responsible for cleaning what and when, including laundry and yard work;

Respects others’ personal possessions;

Recognizes different parenting styles and establishes guidelines for decision making and discipline when either parent is absent;

Addresses division of child-care duties and responsibilities, especially in families with young children; and

Exemplifies tolerance, especially between families from diverse backgrounds who may practice cherished customs, like saying grace before meals.

Even in ideal circumstances, step-relationships may not achieve the same bond and acceptance that intact families take for granted.

Yet, at the outset, there must have been many reasons for the two families’ union. During difficulties, try to discuss the pleasant times and reinforce the positive things about the remarried family relationship.