If it weren’t so serious, what’s going on over at HoltraChem would be funny. If it weren’t so serious.

Take the latest incident at the Orrington plant whose primary enterprise seems to be the spilling and spewing of hazardous substances. Please

A worker neglects to close a valve all the way. An alarm sounds, warning that a mixture of salt water and mercury (that’s deadly poisonous mercury) is overflowing. Worker promptly investigates commotion 20 minutes later, after nearly 10,000 gallons have slopped out of a containment pond and into the Penobscot.

Most companies in the business of handling dangerous materials have alarms that whoop. HoltraChem’s apparently clears its throat politely, so as not to disturb. Most workers in those companies respond to alarms with deliberate dispatch. HoltraChem’s seem to saunter.

Then there was that bit last fall, when workers put a rail car on the wrong track, disconnected a safety system and watched two cars collide at a blistering one mile per hour, sending 1,700 pounds of chlorine gas into the air and 10 neighbors into the hospital.

And how about the two-month, 270,000-gallon brine-and-mercury leak last winter (which the company said was a mere 13-day, 30,000-gallon faux pas)? The 1,000-gallon leak last spring? The spill before that and before that (for a total of seven in 13 months)? The fact that the Penoscot River sediment near he plant may be the most mercury contaminated in the nation?

One would have thought this company would have wised up last fall after the DEP slapped it with a $736,000 fine and $1.5 million in required remedial actions, such as prevention training, monitoring and the use of environmental consultants. The state no doubt made good use of the $736,000 fine, but whatever the company got for its $1.5 million remedy did not cure. So here’s a refresher course, HoltraChem execs, and it’s free. Prevention: tell workers to close valves and answer alarms. Monitoring: make sure workers close valves and answer alarms. Consultants: hire people to remind you to make sure you tell workers to…

Since 1971, this plant has been the only one in Maine with a license to release mercury into water. It’s no wonder that Gov. Angus King and Rep. Richard Ruhlin of Orrington are pushing legislation to strip the company of that priviledge. Or that Environmental Protection Commissioner Ned Sullivan sought a court order Monday that could range from state oversight to a forced shut down. Or that environmentalists and just plain worried neighbors have taken to picketing the main gate.

And given HoltraChem’s record, it’s no wonder the company just doesn’t seem to get it. Company officials continue to suggest they’re on the case and everybody’s overreacting. Nobody seems to know for certain what’s going on at HoltraChem, but whatever it is sure isn’t funny.