University of Maryland researchers are busting their buttons over their new discovery, a 65-million-year-old chunk of fossilized dinosaur dung. T rex, no less. Scientists say they already have learned much by poking around this piece of petrified poop. A congratulatory pat on the back is well deserved; a handshake is out of the question.

Moving into the modern era, the Maine Turnpike Authority says it can fix the latest glitch in its new $23 million Transpass electronic toll system with 63,000 heavy-duty baggies. Don’t ask. Then, the ‘Pike says everything will work perfectly after just one more minor adjustment — replacing the digital toll-takers with human beings.

Farther down the road, New Hampshire is trying to calm road rage with new signs advising motorists to “Please drive with courtesy. It’s the New Hampshire way!” While they’re on this kinder, gentler kick, perhaps Granite State officials might consider rewording that in-your-face motto. Maybe “Live free or not. Your choice. Whatever.”

The USGA, golf’s governing body, recently proposed banning those wildly popular jumbo drivers, lest the noble game be turned from a test of skill into an arms race. Club manufacturers, who sold millions of these big sticks at several hundred dollars a whack on the promise that they would turn the weekend duffer into a par-busting shark, beat back the threat with statistics showing the clubs don’t do much good at all. Does this mean snake oil really won’t cure a slice?

The latest issue of the American School Board Journal contains a review of research on noisy classrooms, which finds din is indeed a detriment to learning, especially if the pupils can’t hear their teacher. A companion study on the impact of darkness upon reading proficiency was inconclusive.