“Holy Man.” Directed by Stephen Herek. Written by Tom Schulman. Running time: 113 minutes. Rated PG (for language).

There aren’t enough prayers in the world to save “Holy Man” from being a great big holy-rolling disaster of a comedy.

The film, which makes “Spice World” and “Half-Baked” look like the Holy Grail of comedies, wastes a potentially terrific idea — parodying home shopping networks — by turning the idea into a toothless, preachy message about the evils of greed and commercialism.

This, of course, is the absolute height of irony, particularly when you consider that Eddie Murphy was paid $20 million to star in the film. So much for greed and commercialism.

The film’s first and most obvious mistake is in its casting. Will anyone really believe Eddie Murphy, of all people, as G — a spiritual man in a Ghandi get-up who wears a beatific smile while preaching peace, love, God and happiness to a television nation of home shoppers?

Casting Murphy in a saintly role is ridiculous, as silly and as stupid as asking him to tone down his act, which he clearly was asked to do here, playing G as if he’s zoned out on anti-depressants and alcohol, a combination that has left him without any of his usual bite.

Beyond Murphy’s miscasting and his flat, one-note performance, “Holy Man” commits yet another Cardinal sin: It fails to get any laughs, unthinkable when you consider the possibilities present to writer Tom Schulman. Why would anyone forgo Murphy’s considerable comic talent in favor of injecting New Age idealism and spirituality into an already lukewarm script? Please, by all means, Mr. Schulman, have your religion, but do remember that you’re trying to sell that religion in a film being touted as a comedy.

Making matters worse are Murphy’s co-stars, Jeff Goldblum and Kelly Preston, cast here as boring, unlikable television executives who, naturally, fall in love with each other after suffering through an uneven period of romantic doubt. But there is no chemistry between these two actors — none.

Their artificial charm is repellent, stiff, difficult to watch. As they go through the motions of their tepid, insignificant romance, even they seem aware that their milk-toast performances are box office poison, belonging more in a petri dish than they ever do up on a silver screen.

Why was this film ever made? Obviously the draw was Eddie Murphy. But do studios really believe so much in his talent that they think he can save any film, regardless of its shortcomings? One only has to look to some of Murphy’s flops to see this isn’t the case (“Vampire in Brooklyn,” anyone?); the man needs a good script and strong supporting cast to make his films work. Unfortunately, in this film, he is given neither, and is instead left looking for a handful of miracles in a film without a single prayer. Grade: F

Video of the Week

“A Perfect Murder.” Directed by Andrew Davis. Screenplay by Patrick Smith Kelly. Based on the play “Dial M for Murder” by Frederick Knott. Running time: 108 minutes. Rated R (for language, violence and sexuality).

“A Perfect Murder” is an imperfect rip-off of Alfred Hitchcock’s “Dial M for Murder.” It features Michael Douglas as Steven Taylor, a powerful businessman who plots to knock off his wealthy wife Emily. But Emily, as played here by Gwyneth Paltrow, is too bland, too icy and emotionally removed to be sufficiently likable in a film whose success depends at least partly on its audience pulling for Paltrow’s character.

Short of that — and the film does fall short of that — it must compensate by being thrilling. Really thrilling. Not thrilling in the way that Monica Lewinksy thrilled the president, but thrilling in a way that leaves its audience breathless, which, in the end, I suppose, is the same kind of thrilling.

Unfortunately, the film is so long-winded, so dull and meandering, that it fails to deliver these necessary thrills, with the exception of one very well-executed scene in which Paltrow finally thaws long enough to scream like a banshee and brandish sharp kitchen utensils just perfect for cutting throats. Wonderful! Here is the spark that has been missing from her performance all along. Just look at Paltrow go!

Too bad it took a near-death experience to bring it out of her. Grade: C-

Christopher Smith is the Bangor Daily News film critic. His reviews appear each Monday in the NEWS, and each Thursday, on WLBZ’s “Newscenter 5:30 Today,” he reviews what’s new and worth renting in video stores.