And another thing …

At a time when the citizenry cries out for diversity in its public institutions, when people of all walks of life demand equal access and fair representation, one body of lawmakers remains oblivious, packing its leadership positions with Southern white males. Just who do those congressional Republicans think they are, Maine House Democrats?

House Dems reject the criticism that their choices for speaker, majority leader and whip are from too narrow a geographic area, saying they searched far and wide for the cream of the crop — from Portland to Bowdoinham and all the way back to Portland again. Heck, they’d have gone as far as Kennebunkport had it been necessary.

Aroostook County’s newest resident is one Mark Apalsch, formerly of Milwaukee, who fled to Caribou to avoid the chaos, mayhem and general collapse of society that will come with the year 2000. Won’t he be one unhappy camper when he finds out that Maine, although perhaps not as up-to-date as Wisconsin, has calendars that work pretty much the same way.

Jim Majka of Fort Kent is a survivalist who publishes a newsletter on how to survive the apocalyptic millennium. While advocating the laying in of canned goods and dried fruit, he rejects the idea of stocking up on guns and ammo, but adds, “If I lived in Boston, that’d be different.” Folks in Boston are so happy about Mr. Majka’s current living arrangements that they’re sending him a lifetime supply of creamed corn as a token of their appreciation.

Environmental groups are cranking up their campaign to turn Northern Maine into a national park, saying it’s not just about saving nature, it’s also about growing jobs — towns in the state’s upper tier could enjoy the kind of prosperity that rings Acadia. The Sierra Club’s already called dibs on the fast-food franchises.

If the national media are any guide, the two most famous Mainers at the moment aren’t George Mitchell, who helped bring peace to Northern Ireland, or Bill Cohen, the defense secretary who may have to make war upon Iraq. They’re Desiree, the topless lawn mower of Newport, and Jonathan Marden, the Waterville guy who wants to get into the Guinness Book of World Records by breaking lumber over his head. Maybe those Year 2000 doomsdayers are right after all. Maybe the millennium is the end of civilization as we know it and our calendars are just slow.