It wouldn’t be fair to walk away from a meal at Denny’s Classic Diner and complain that it was too greasy, too salty and too white-bread. But it would be accurate to say that a meal at Denny’s will be greasy, salty and white. Why do people go there? For those very food groups. And to wear their bobby socks.

The Denny’s chain, which also recently opened a restaurant in Ellsworth, was established in the early 1950s around the time of root beer floats and patty melts. Not much has changed there in 45 years.

Forget low-fat. Forget low-cal. Your body is your temple? Pfft. Then go to Wendy’s for a potato. But if you want a grilled cheese, a pot roast sandwich, mashed potatoes with gravy, chicken-fried steak, or fried (fill in the blank), then Denny’s is your belt-notch-expanding dream come true. Yessir, it’s back to the good old days when the American diet was something you enjoyed rather than watched.

As part of our commitment to scouting out swell eating spots in the area, we recently stopped in at the shiny new Denny’s Classic Diner poetically located in the same parking lot as Sam’s Club. (Is that a marriage of true minds, or what?) We love the boldness of the place — the glass-block bricks, the red, black, white and silver decor, the jukebox playing “Rockin’ Robin,” and smiles on the faces of every waitress.

We thought the sheer spirit of the place might require us to order a milkshake, but we decided on root beer instead. Our waitress suggested it.

“Can we get a beer here?” we asked.

“No,” she said, scrunching up her eyebrows. “And you can’t smoke either.” Then her face brightened and the requisite ebullience returned. “But we do have root beer!”

The soda arrived in a tubby plastic Coca-Cola cup just in time to wash down a sampler plate of appetizers including mozzarella sticks with marinara sauce, onion rings with ranch dippin’ sauce, and fries. (The fries replaced the chicken strips that usually come with the dish.) Talk about mainlining. No one has to apply moisturizer the day after eating at Denny’s because you’ve pretty much had a hot-oil treatment for dinner.

It doesn’t really matter what we ate that night because all tastes are equal at Denny’s, and, in these tricky days of political uncertainty, we applaud such a pure commitment to democracy. One friend swears by Moons Over My Hammy, the ultimate breakfast sandwich, which she says is as much fun to order as to eat. But we say be daring: Try the Bruschetta Burger, the Scram Slam, the French Slam or the Play It Again Slam. And we’d like to suggest another to Denny’s corporate kitchen: The Wham Bam Slam.

In addition to the great eats, we really dig the sparkles in the upholstery and those boomeranglike icons on the Formica table tops, the busyness of which might have killed a few LSD users in the 1960s. (But they would have died having the meal that they alone would call the best meal of their lives.)

It’s lovely, too, that everything is washable, including the portfolio-size menus. Come to think of it, some of the photos of lacquered food in that menu look washable, too. But all this points to one very accommodating fact: The kids can really make a mess and you won’t feel guilty.

Except that you might be sitting daringly close to the next party. That’s fun enough if the conversation is good, but you lose if one of your neighbors is a big brute of a boy who can make a piece of toast disappear in two bites, a sausage link in one. Very appetizing, son. And quite the feat.

If you’re vegetarian, you can have a grilled cheese, but be sure to ask for a side order of fried okra. It tastes very much like fried clams, but without the sentience.

You can also order from the breakfast menu at all hours. You don’t eat eggs, you say? Well, how about some hot cakes or a bowl of hot cereal with sliced banana? In a move we can only call Euro-economy, orange juice comes in a carafe.

Here’s what we like about Denny’s: It’s a delight for the eye, and for the sense of humor. Two people can eat for under $10 (if you don’t order those buffalo chicken strips, or that chocolate banana malt). And you’ll never go away hungry. In fact, if you never want to go away at all, you don’t have to at Denny’s because it’s open 24 hours.