And another thing …

Protesting the public-lands proposals before the Legislature, property-rights activists split open a watermelon in the State House to illustrate the connection between the environmental movement and the international Communist conspiracy (Green on the outside, Red on the inside — get it?). It’s the old domino theory; you start out with park trails and end up with landing pads for U.N. helicopters.

But getting a choice campsite at Karl Marx State Park will be the least of your worries come next year, according to the Rev. Jerry Falwell. Speaking at a conference on the Year 2000 computer glitch and its associated problems, Falwell said the real millennium bug will be the appearance of the Antichrist. Unspeakably evil, loaded for Armageddon and really cranky because his phone bill’s wrong.

For weeks, reporters have been asking Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott about his connection to the Council of Concerned Citizens and for weeks the Mississippian has answered that he has no idea what CCC is or what it stands for. Now, slighted CCC leaders have publically reminded Sen. Lott that they are the racist organization he’s belonged to for years; he’s spoken at their meetings and contributed to their newsletter. Sen. Lott says he misunderstood the question — the white sheet interfered with his hearing.

Mayor Rudy Giuliani says the nation has an obligation to help New York City dispose of its mountains of garbage because the city contributes so much culture to the nation. His Honor followed up this assertion by boasting that a record number of commercials and music videos were filmed in the Big Apple last year. How about if NYC keeps its garbage and the rest of us just learn to live without quite so much culture?