New Shakespeare film a midsummer nightmare

A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM, written and directed by Michael Hoffman, based on the play by William Shakespeare. Running time: 115 minutes. Rated PG-13.

Oh, what fools this director, these actors be.

“A Midsummer Night’s Dream” is so poorly directed, acted, staged and conceived, it comes off more like a midspring afternoon’s nightmare than it does a film based on one of Shakespeare’s more enduring and popular plays.

In an apparent, bizarre effort to put his cast on bicycles so they could zip through the film’s poorly designed sets, director Hoffman had the bright idea of setting his film in 19th-century Tuscany. Still, in spite of the change in era, locale and modus of flight, he touts his film as “William Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream,” no doubt to capitalize on the recent success of “Shakespeare in Love.”

Unfortunately, there is nothing to love here. Hoffman’s film is banal from the start as it features a cast who have no idea what they’re saying, no ear for the play’s lyricism, no comprehension of the Bard’s subtleties, no grasp of the script’s innuendoes.

So overwhelmed are most by the task of wrapping their mouths around Shakespeare’s words, they apparently forgot that these words are supposed to mean something.

Unlike the sterling cast of “Shakespeare in Love,” who spoke their lines as if they were extensions of their souls, there is no depth of feeling here, just forced determination and a terrific rush to get the words out.

With the exception of Rupert Everett as Oberon and Kevin Kline as Bottom, the cast — which includes Michelle Pfeiffer as Fairy Queen Titania, Calista Flockhart as Helena, Stanley Tucci as Puck and David Strathairn as Duke Theseus — rarely give the sense that anyone here is at ease with what they’re saying.

They come to Shakespeare as if he’s an uphill challenge, not a passion, certainly never a thrill, a difference that shows in their stilted performances.

No performance is weaker than Calista Flockhart’s, who is so wretchedly miscast as Helena, she proves time and again that her acting really is as thin as she is. Her sweet, bumbling awkwardness may suit television’s “Ally McBeal,” but here she’s an upturned plate of scrambled eggs, a mess of hair and large, snapping eyes that reflect her apparent incapacity for restraint.

The film does have its moments, particularly with the smooth Everett and the mildly funny Kline, but more often than not this unintentional Bard bashing makes you appreciate the 1935, Academy-Award-winning original, which starred James Cagney as Bottom, Mickey Rooney as Puck and Olivia de Havilland in her screen debut. If you can find that film in video stores, your midspring evening will be a dream.

Grade: D

Video of the week

STAR TREK: INSURRECTION, directed by Jonathan Frakes. Written by Michael Piller. Running time: 105 minutes. Rated PG.

“Star Trek: Insurrection” certainly is a curious title for a film so preoccupied with youth, vigor and vitality.

“Star Trek: Vanity! Viagra! Va-Va-Va-Voom!” would have worked, and “Star Trek: Liposuction!” would have come closer to the point, but not “Star Trek: Insurrection.” “Star Trek: Insurrection” makes the film seem as if it’s more about action than it is about a quick fix for cellulite and sagging derrieres in outer space.

The film is so acutely aware of how long the Star Trek franchise has been around — more than 30 years with the help of reruns and three televised spinoffs, including “The Next Generation,” on which “Insurrection” is based — it probably should come as no surprise that sooner or later the series and its crew would need a face lift.

It gets one here — literally.

The film, — which is entertaining, but nowhere near as good as 1996’s thrilling “First Contact” — sends the crew of “The Next Generation” to a planet that serves as something of a fountain of youth. While hobnobbing with the Ba’ku, who are essentially great-looking, 300-year-old people sporting better pores than an infant, Capt. Picard (Patrick Stewart) and his crew start looking and feeling more fit.

Naturally, there’s an enemy: A decaying alien species called the Son’a plans to harvest the planet’s metaphasic particles to help keep their rotting bodies from dying. But the Son’a aren’t nearly as sinister as the Borg, which makes for a film that’s far less gripping than “First Contact.”

Still, in spite of feeling a bit shopworn, and showcasing special effects that are remarkably cheap, the film does capture the lighthearted campiness fans expect. It’s also done something even more impressive: It retains the naivete that’s at Star Trek’s core. In these times, that’s the film’s true accomplishment.

Grade: B-

Christopher Smith’s film reviews appear each Monday in the Bangor Daily News. Each week on WLBZ-TV’s “News Center 5:30 Today” and “News Center Tonight,” he reviews current feature films (Tuesdays) and what’s new and worth renting at video stores (Thursdays).