Laughter on the left

Greens are good people — concerned, sincere, deeply committed. If they have a flaw, it would be their tendency for excessive solemnity. They fret about everything, including, apparently, about whether laughing out loud will disrupt the delicate ecological balance. Call the Green movement an organization, a group, band or bevy, but it’s not much of a party.

Bless their fretful bleeding hearts, that terminal dourness may be in remission. From the California branch comes a splendid, mirthful notion that could spice up a 2000 presidential campaign that otherwise will be a choice between two flavors of vanilla: Draft Michael Moore.

The culturally hip know filmmaker/author/ox-gorer Michael Moore. His breakthrough film, “Roger and Me,” was a low-budget documentary that explored how executive-level bungling at General Motors destroyed his hometown of Flint, Mich. In the best tradition of the good old days when the Left was the end of the political spectrum that knew how to have fun, “Roger and Me” was scathing, sarcastic and absolutely hilarious. Even CEOs (except, of course, GM CEO Roger Smith) laughed out loud. His bestseller “Downsize This” had them roaring in the unemployment line. His most recent film, “The Big One,” is a coast-to-coast comic travelogue in which he consoles corporate execs forced to ship good American jobs overseas. See it and you’ll never wear Nike again.

This electoral brainstorm is the work of Gary Krane, a Los Angeles journalist and Green activist. Mr. Krane makes three good arguments for why (this is his suggested campaign slogan) Moore Is Better: he has the requisite values and convictions; he is a genius at working the news media; and he’s very, very funny. He’s not, to be perfectly blunt, Ralph Nader.

And that is rub No. 1. Mr. Nader, though well-intentioned, devoted to the cause and probably a nice enough guy, is as dull as dry toast. His 1996 presidential bid wasn’t so much a campaign as a scolding and now he’s gearing up for 2000. It is Mr. Krane’s hope that Nader will take the vice-presidential slot on the Green ticket, lend his considerable organizational support to the campaign and let the headliner Moore provide the entertainment.

Rub No. 2 is that, true to the Green disposition for needless anxiety, even the fun-loving Mr. Krane can’t seem to leave his worrywart side completely behind. If, he conjectures, Moore can draw 4 percent to 7 percent of the vote, his coattails may help a couple of Green candidates get elected to Congress and may force the Democrats to get back to their liberal roots. On the other hand, a strong Moore showing probably takes votes from Al Gore, tipping the election to George W. Bush, perhaps solidifying the Republican hold on Congress, ensuring the continuation of the Supreme Court’s conservative tilt and setting off other calamities too awful to mention.

Please, Mr. Krane, don’t go there. There’s nothing to fear. Lose the dread, focus on getting Moore on the ballot — and on the campaign trail. If there are to be long-term repercussions and unforeseen consequences, let someone else do the worrying for a change. It is, after all, supposed to be a party.