Umpire follies

Although Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire are once again engaged in a home run race for the ages, and the Red Sox are making a strong run at the playoffs with, of all things, great pitching and defense, the best baseball story this summer is the self-flagellation of the Major League umpires’ union. In papers filed Monday in U.S. District Court in Philadelphia, the umpires’ union claimed its members are being terminated against their will, even though they all resigned two months ago effective today. They didn’t want to quit, they just wanted more money.

The umpires’ current collective bargaining agreement will expire at the end of this year, and the contract forbids work stoppages, so earlier this season union chief Richie Phillips convinced umpires to submit their resignations. Their strategy was to force Major League Baseball to negotiate with the umpires while the season was ongoing, and presumably, the umpires had greater leverage. So confused were the umpires regarding their own importance that they believed the owners would have no choice but to capitulate to their demands. After all, how could baseball be played without the skills of the umpires? The playoffs and, heaven help us, the World Series itself would immediately be in jeopardy.

What Mr. Phillips did not appreciate, apparently, was the strong antipathy players, owners and fans have developed for the current crop of umpires. In the last decade, umpires have contorted the strike zone until it is almost wider than it is high, have initiated confrontations with players and managers, and are often out of position to make the calls. The umpires have not had to be concerned about their performance; they can’t be removed from their position regardless of how bad or out of shape they are.

So, when the umpires resigned earlier in the summer, Major League Baseball simply accepted their resignations and made plans to hire minor league umps. Many of the Major League umpires rescinded their resignations, giving the commissioner’s office the choice of keeping the umpires they wanted. The power of the umpire’s union was thus destroyed in one monumental moment of self-delusion, becoming a case study for law schools around the country on how not to negotiate a labor contract.

Yes, the antics of the umpires’ union have provided summer hilarity, but baseball, recently injured by near-sighted owners and greedy players, need not suffer the self-inflated dramatics of these umpires any longer. Better to bring in young and eager minor league umps, provide stringent supervision and regulation, and allow them to take their important but minor place in the nation’s pastime.

Balance then returns to the firmament, justice prevails, and, who knows, maybe the Red Sox can finally beat the Yankees in a playoff series.