Hyams’ ‘End of Days’ both breathtaking, nauseating

In Theaters END OF DAYS. Directed by Peter Hyams. Written by Andrew Marlowe. Running time: 118 minutes. Rated R.

Protect your daughters! Break out the chastity belts! Get thee to a nunnery!

As if we don’t have enough to worry about, come the eve of the millennium, Satan is popping the Viagra and going on the prowl for sex, particularly between the hours of 11 p.m. and midnight, when the greated horned one himself will rise from hell to mate with a woman who will not only give birth to the Antichrist, but who also will bring about the end of days.

Those cinephiles worth their salt will understandably believe that event already took place this summer, when Jean-Claude Van Damme appeared in “Universal Soldier: The Return.”

But no — Peter Hyams’ “End of Days” suggests the end of humanity is still a burning blip on the horizon. And what a fiery horizon it is.

The film, which pits Arnold Schwarzenegger against the devil (Gabriel Byrne), certainly delivers the action, some of which is so ingeniously conceived, it isn’t a stretch to call parts of “Days” breathtaking.

But the film also delivers its share of flulike symptoms, particularly nausea, which is associated with Hyams’ not-so-subtle choices for character development.

For example, in an effort to strike the big hell of masculinity early on, Hyams has his suicidal police detective, Jericho Cane (Schwarzenegger), begin his day with coffee, a piece of moldy pizza pealed off a filthy floor, a carton of stale Chinese food and countless other unmentionables. Taken separately, this foul food pyramid is ridiculous enough. But Jericho is an action-adventure stereotype, which means he must truly go for the gross-out and liquefy everything in a dirty blender before swallowing it down with brio.

Yes, Jericho is butch, but he’s also Hyams’ idea of a well-rounded, three-dimensional character. Indeed, soon after the blender debacle, Hyams actually shows Cane clutching a ballerina music box, which warbles its thin, sappy tune while Jericho weeps over his dead wife and daughter.

If these sorts of apocalyptic decisions push “End of Days” straight to the brink of cinematic hell, Hyams eventually gets them out of his system and settles down to the real business at hand: Satan is horny and he wants to mate.

The unlucky soul chosen at birth to bear his child is Christina York (Robin Tunney), a neurotic yet likable piece of work who, as an infant, was suckled with snake’s blood in one of the film’s more bizarre sequences. Now aware of her fate, Christina fights Satan with Cane, a man who’s faith was once shattered after the brutal murder of his wife and daughter, but which is renewed — rather predictably — just when he needs it most.

Grade: C+

Christopher Smith’s reviews appear each Monday and Thursday in the NEWS, each Tuesday and Thursday on WLBZ’s “NEWS CENTER 5:30 Today” and “NEWS CENTER Tonight,” and each Saturday and Sunday on NEWS CENTER’s statewide “Morning Report.”