Sesquipedalianism and other felonies

I’m reading a newspaper advertisement that touts a religious motivational speaker who, in his teenage hell-raising days, got wasted on booze and clipped a utility pole with his car. “Bob walked from the car and into the downed power lines. The electrocution resulted in the loss of both legs and his left arm,” the ad states.

I say to myself, “Electrocution? I don’t think so, sweetheart. Old Bob may have been born again, but I doubt that he came back from the dead.” And I file away yet another example of our shocking misuse of the language, reassured that I am not the only nitpicker on the block to periodically get wound up about such linguistic felonies.

Phil DuBois of Washburn:

“Once again, Mainers have endured another snowstorm. Schools and organizations call their local radio and TV stations to announce cancellations and postponments. Invariably, I hear radio and TV people announce that the event has been `canceled and rescheduled.’ Apparently my dictionary is outdated, since it still includes the word `postponed.’ When something is cancelled, it isn’t occurring as scheduled, and will never occur again. If it’s being rescheduled, then it’s been postponed, not canceled. …”

Retired veteran WLBZ broadcaster Eddie Owen of Lubec:

“In your never-ending battle against the misuse of our language, I seek your opinion about the use of `ongoing’ and the sad neglect of `continue’ and `continuing’ and `continued.’ You have already moaned about the wretched repetition of `you know’ — not entirely the property of athletes with diplomas but no education. Another so-called buzzword, frequently used in conjunction with `you know,’ is `basically.’ As well, `meaningful’ and `infrastructure’ have long joined the flotsam and jetsam of the general vocabulary. Fear not, more on the way, without doubt. …”

Bernie Robbins of Bangor:

“A while ago I heard a news reader on a local channel announce that something had happened in `Mini-Annapolis’ and another one announce that a funeral would take place in a `Congressional church.’ I thought you might want to add these to your file of malfunctions…” (Robbins will be pleased to learn that I have done so, placing them right next to the identification line “Royal Canadian Moulted Police” that I saw on a recent NBC telecast.)

Nonni Daly of Old Town:

“Add to the list…the girlies on TV who do on-site reports, i.e. at the edge of a highway, and think they have to raise their voices to shriek level and yell to be heard on mike; and those who use the phrases `HIV virus’ and `ATM machine’ and are so ill-informed that they don’t recognize the redundancy…”

Richard Dudman of Ellsworth, a journalistic heavy hitter and former Washington Bureau chief for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch:

“Thanks for your English language usage comments, including that good string of horrors in today’s column. I have a string myself, including some that I notice in your newspaper. How about `hone in’ instead of `home in’ and `careen’ instead of `career’ when speed rather than leaning is the issue. `Convince’ when `persuade’ would be better. `Became airborne’ when aerodynamics are not involved. `Clearly’ when the adverb is both overstated and condescending. `Pour over’ when `pore’ is meant, and `pawn off’ instead of `palm off…”‘

Dudman wondered why newswriters are so desperate to avoid repeating the word “earthquake,” pointing out that he once wrote several thousand words about the 1976 earthquake in China without once calling it a “temblor.”

To illustrate his disdain for platitude-prone sports announcers, Phil “Gee” Roberts of Fort Fairfield forwarded a “B.C.” comic strip clipping. In it, creator Johnny Hart’s politically incorrect “fat broad” character claims she’s qualified to be a sports announcer because “I’ve memorized over 2,000 sports cliches.” She’s hired on the spot.

Marc Schnur of Islesboro agrees that writing should be clear and concise and understandable to one’s audience. But he worries that “this `simple word usage’ trend, if it be a trend, may have some unforeseen consequences. As an inveterate (sorry, I meant confirmed in a habit … and, no, I’m not a nun) crossword puzzle solver who subscribes to the New York Times primarily for its crossword puzzles, the loss of usage of high falutin’, uncommon or sesquipedalian words would eliminate that source of enjoyment in a generation or so. … Rather than dumb down the English language, wouldn’t it be better if our schools taught English vocabulary so that graduating high school seniors would know more than the 900 to 1,500 words they graduate with?”

I suppose so. Provided no one choked to death in any resulting serendipitous sesquipedalianism.

NEWS columnist Kent Ward lives in Winterport. His e-mail address is olddawg@bangornews.infi.net.