Death welcome end to `Final Destination’

In theaters

“Final Destination”

The opening of James Wong’s “Final Destination” is about as subtle as an amplified death rattle — only not quite as fun to listen to.

It begins with Alex (Devan Sawa) and his classmates preparing for a doomed trip to France. We know this trip is doomed not only because Alex is clairvoyant and sees it happen just before it happens, but because Wong tells us it’s doomed with foreshadowing that’s so blatant, it’s surprising he didn’t underscore the first 20 minutes with flashing arrows and the following text running along the bottom of the screen:

“See this rusty hinge, kids? This broken door? That careless flight attendant? And these other pieces of faulty airplane equipment? I’m focusing on them because I want you to PAY ATTENTION — something really bad is going to happen!”

When handled well, this sort of spoon-feeding can build tension; Hitchcock was a master at it. He gave audiences just enough to draw them in, while never revealing more than absolutely necessary.

It’s called restraint and the best horror films and best directors have it.

Wong doesn’t. Wong doesn’t exactly have the same finesse. Wong’s idea of restraint is to sever a woman’s throat with an exploding computer monitor, have her stumble around her house while she drowns in her own blood, electrocute her, and then, as if that weren’t enough, have a set of butcher knives fall on top of her and pin her to the floor.

Still not enough? As with each calamity that occurs in “Final Destination” — and there are many, many calamities in “Final Destination” — all of this happens while John Denver’s “Rocky Mountain High” warbles in the background. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think this is the sort of legacy Mr. Denver had in mind when he himself died in a plane crash.

“Final Destination” is preoccupied with cheating death; that’s its premise. It feeds into the teen dream of invincibility and immortality, which is its most interesting angle, but Wong isn’t interested in exploring interesting angles. He’d rather sever a head than explore what’s going on inside that head.

Worse are his characters — never once do they show genuine remorse when their friends start dying. Instead, they just regroup, thank the high heavens it wasn’t them who was struck down by that city bus, and carry on in their thoughtless, insular, unlikable worlds.

So, then, the question that arises is this: Who are we rooting for in “Final Destination”? The Grim Reaper? It’s doubtful that’s what Wong had in mind, but that’s just what happens. In this movie, death is a breath of fresh air that can’t move fast enough.

Grade: D-

On video

“Pokemon: The First Movie”

After seeing “Pokemon: The First Movie,” there’s little question that its title is meant as something of a threat to parents. Clearly, other Pokemon movies are planned and if they are as idiotic, chaotic and indecipherable as this, we might want to reconsider our trade agreement with Japan.

Not that children would allow it. Pokemon, which began as a hugely popular game for Nintendo’s Game Boy system before moving on to books, videos, TV shows, trading cards and toys, has saturated our culture so completely, it makes Ricky Martin look like 1999’s poster boy for underachievement.

Still, here we are, the video release of the Pokemon movie. It’s colorful, it’s loud, it has loads of action, but its animation is flat and its story is a mess, which is no surprise considering the film is the result of editing down three separate Japanese videos into this — a single, English-dubbed movie.

Kids will disagree. When I first reviewed the film last fall, a young reader sent along a note saying that he loved the film and was hurt and angry by my reaction to it. Didn’t I have a favorite television show or animated character when I was a kid?

Actually, I had the Wonderful World of Disney each Sunday night. I had “Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom,” which I watched religiously. I had a seemingly endless choice of Disney films in theaters, the Warner Brothers cartoons on Saturday mornings, “The Incredible Hulk” and “The Six Million Dollar Man” television series on Friday nights. Hell, I even had “The Waltons” on Thursdays.

I read a lot of books and listened to a lot of music, most of which would seem benign by today’s standards. Some of it was crap, but a lot of it has held up well. As much as that young reader enjoyed “Pokemon,” the film will never hold up as well as a Disney classic. I think he deserves better.

What’s missing is the quality; the production is crude, the plot is skeletal, the entire effort seems rushed to make a buck. In spite of its cute-looking characters, this isn’t exactly the warm and fuzzy stuff of “My Little Pony.” What it is, is a film about a boy who longs to be the greatest Pokemon trainer ever. That he’s training these creatures to fight and battle other creatures is what might cause some parents to be concerned — and to consider renting “My Friend Flicka” instead.

Grade: C-

Christopher Smith is the Bangor Daily News film critic. His reviews appear each Monday and Thursday in the NEWS, each Tuesday and Thursday on WLBZ’s “NEWS CENTER 5:30 Today” and “NEWS CENTER Tonight,” and each Saturday and Sunday on NEWS CENTER’s statewide “Morning Report.”

THE VIDEO CORNER

Renting a video? NEWS film critic Christopher Smith can help. Below are his grades of recent releases in video stores.

Jacob The Liar D Pokemon: The First Movie C- Crazy in Alabama C Drive me Crazy C+ Guinevere A- The Limey A Outside Providence C+ Eyes Wide Shut B+ Buena Vista Social Club B+ The Bone Collector C+ Twin Falls Idaho A The Best Man B Random Hearts C-