In theaters

BAIT 110 minutes. Rated R; directed by Antoine Fuqua; written by Tony Gilroy, Andrew Scheinman and Adam Scheinman.

Sometimes, just describing a film’s premise will hang it out to dry, which is precisely the case with Antoine Fuqua’s “Bait,” a film that has one of the most preposterous premises going.

In the film, Jamie Foxx is Alvin Sanders, a jovial, small-time crook, who opens the film with his brilliant plan to steal shrimp from a restaurant warehouse. Check that – he wants to steal prawns, which, audiences are told time and again in the film’s desperate attempt to drum up humor, are large shrimp, big shrimp – “like the kind you get in shrimp cocktail.”

Naturally, Alvin gets caught and is put in a holding cell with professional criminal John Jaster (Robert Pastorelli), a worried-looking man with a heart problem who’s been placed in the slammer for his part in stealing $42 million in gold from the Federal Reserve. He did this with an accomplice, the brilliant psychopath Bristol (Doug Hutchinson), on the same night Alvin was stealing prawns – which, just in case you didn’t quite grasp it the first dozen times, are large shrimp, big shrimp, two of which “could make a meal!”

When Jaster suddenly drops dead during a fierce interrogation, Clenteen (David Morse), a nasty U.S. Treasury investigator who probably doesn’t like prawns, believes Jaster may have shared with Alvin the secret of where he hid the gold.

Thus begins the film’s elaborate plot to secretly fit Alvin with a tracking device in his jaw (I’m not kidding), which, the investigators hope, will lead them not only to the gold, but also to Bristol – a man who, for some reason, sounds exactly like John Malkovich.

Predictably, this ludicrous setup makes for a ludicrous film, one that’s stretched to its limits to balance its forced moments of comedy with reels of dull action.

Everyone here is more talented than the material – Foxx shined on “In Living Color” and Oliver Stone’s “Any Given Sunday,” and Morse was good in “The Green Mile” and “Contact.” But Fuqua, working from a screenplay by Tony Gilroy, Andrew Scheinman and Adam Scheinman, squanders their talent with a stupid film that feels as if it were written with the help of monkeys – and a thesaurus.

Indeed, Morse is asked to be so arch and pretentious in so many scenes, one wonders why “Bait” staked so much of its plot on shrimp – excuse me, prawns – and not on something more substantial and impressive, such as fish heads.

Grade: F

On video

READY TO RUMBLE 100 minutes; rated PG-13; directed by Brian Robbins; written by Steven Brill.

Get ready to grumble. If ever there was a movie that deserved a pile driver and a sleeper hold, this is it.

Brian Robbins’ “Ready to Rumble,” a film about the glamorously faux world of professional wrestling, might have a built-in audience of millions, but those millions likely will be disappointed. There’s little here that matches the same level of lunacy fans of the sport enjoy every week on TNT-TV and WTBS-TV.

The problem is that “Rumble” is never as fun as pro wrestling itself. There’s never the sense that it is winking at its audience the way its source material, “WCW Monday Nitro,” winks at its audience. As a result, “Rumble” comes off as having missed the point of pro wrestling, which is already a rich satire of itself.

The film swirls around Sean (Scott Caan) and Gordie (David Arquette), two chest-thumping morons on a mission to save the career of their hero, WCW figurehead Jimmy King (Oliver Platt in an absolutely unconvincing performance), a man they ultimately lead back to the ring for a triple-cage death match at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas.

At times the film does capture the same cartoonish energy fans expect from the sport, but it’s consistently undermined by Arquette’s slack-jawed performance and its tonnage of raw-sewage jokes, which too often make “Ready to Rumble” feel like “Dumb and Dumber” meets Ex-Lax.

Grade: D

HIGH FIDELITY 120 minutes. Rated R; directed by Stephen Frears.; written by D.V. Deincentis, Steve Pink, John Cusack and Scott Rosenberg. Based on the book by Nick Hornby

Stephen Frears’ “High Fidelity” goes beyond standing as a mere appreciation of trash art while making a case for it. The film also presents itself as trash art through the charmless vessel of Rob Gordon (Cusack), a part-time DJ and record store manager who’s forever looking the camera – and us – in the eye.

Mirroring the popularity of such shows as “Survivor,” “Big Brother,” and “the confessional” used on MTV’s “The Real World,” “Fidelity” asks Rob to gaze into the lens and tell us his problems – every one of them, warts and all.

The effect is mesmerizing – and smart. As Rob bitterly shares his disappointments, his mistakes, his Top 5 lists of loves won and loves lost, the film doesn’t just become pop culture driving pop art, but pop art driving pop culture.

“High Fidelity” is, in fact, a film about pop culture. It not only wallows in it, it also features characters who are as accessible as the art they love. It follows Rob and his two music-fanatic clerks, Dick (Todd Louiso) and Barry (Jack Black), who are as smug as Rob is in their fierce knowledge of pop lore.

But these men – particularly Rob – use that knowledge to hide behind their insecurities. They’re stuck between the refuge of adolescence and their overwhelming fears of becoming adults. They use pop songs to categorize their otherwise structureless lives, while also leaning on those songs to give their lives some sort of meaning.

Rob proves the exception. Initially, he seems as superficial as the songs he admires, but like those songs, a closer examination reveals depth.

With Catherine Zeta-Jones, Lili Taylor, Joan Cusack, Iben Hjejle and Tim Robbins in strong supporting roles, “High Fidelity” is never static. It’s pop art that shouldn’t be missed.

Grade: A-

Christopher Smith is the Bangor Daily News film critic. His reviews appear Monday and Thursday in the NEWS, and Tuesday and Thursday on “NEWS CENTER at 5:30” and “NEWS CENTER at 11” on WLBZ 2 and WCSH 6.

High Fidelity A-

Ready to Rumble D

28 DaysC-

East is EastA

Mission to MarsD-

American PsychoB+

Any Given SundayC+

I Dreamed of AfricaB

The Next Best ThingD

The Tigger MovieB-

SupernovaD-

Erin Brockovich B+

The Cider House Rules A-

Here on EarthD+

Reindeer GamesC+

Princess MononokeA

Romeo Must Die C-

Whatever It TakesB

The Beach D+

Drowning Mona C-

Magnolia A-

Angela’s Ashes B-

The Ninth Gate C+

Ride with the DevilC-

The Whole Nine Yards B+

All About My MotherA

Down to YouD

The HurricaneA-

My Dog SkipB+

Scream 3 B-

Hanging Up F

The Talented Mr. Ripley A

Scream 3 B-

Anna and the KingA-

Sweet and Lowdown A-

Topsy-Turvy A

Bicentennial Man D+

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo C-

The Emperor and the Assassin B-

The Green Mile A

Light it Up C+

Play it to the Bone D+

The Third Miracle D

Girl, Interrupted B

Miss Julie C

Next Friday B-

Man on the Moon C-

Snow Falling on Cedars C