I love a good malapropism.

Such as this one by Gov. George W. Bush as quoted in U.S. News & World Report, April 3: “I think anybody who doesn’t think I’m smart enough to handle the job is underestimating.” Or maybe another Bushism that was picked up by the Dallas Morning News, May 10: “I think we agree, the past is over,” he reportedly said on meeting with Sen. John McCain.

I don’t mean to be picking on the Republican presidential candidate; all of us have had cases of tongue-twistedness and have misused and abused words. Sometimes our grammar is atrocious; often, our sentences don’t make sense. And we even coin words like a magician plucking a quarter from behind a child’s ear.

Just the other day, for instance, after misplacing my glasses, then my purse, then the car keys, I told someone I was sick and tired of being loseable. They understood.

That’s why these quips from students are so appealing, and understandable. We’ve all committed similar errors. A neighbor who had visited New York said he was amazed at seeing “the entire state building.” And lots of folks ask “pacific” questions until they can get “orientated. “An applicant once wrote that he was the “most knowledged” about the job.

But back to these science and health comments from students across the country, submitted by their teachers. Spelling errors are preserved.

From the chemistry class – or the corner bar – comes this declaration: “Water is composed of two gins: oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.”

On living and breathing or perhaps a tobacco spit contest: “Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.” Or this one: “When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.”

Medical tips include these writings from junior high students. “Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.” And for curing a head cold: “Use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in your throat.”

Medical terms are tricky for some students, as evidenced by these statements: “The three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.” “Blood flows down one leg and up the other.” “The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.” “The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.”

One of my favorites applies to the farmer in all of us: “To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.”

Equally impressive for their common sense interpretations are these descriptive comments: “Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.” “Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.” “Rhubarb is a kind of celery gone bloodshot.”

The definitions of words are the daffiest yet:

“Momentum – what you give a person when they are going away.”

“Germinate – To become a naturalized German.”

“Vacuum – A large, empty space where the pope lives.”