Thanksgiving thanks for the year 2000

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If you missed the opportunity last Thursday to give thanks for the many things there are to be thankful for, take a few minutes to make your own list. I am thankful:

. the right to bear arms does not apply to turkeys (other than Charlton Heston);

. it is only a matter of time before Dunkin’ Donuts makes a gravy out of its coffee and a turkey out of its Munchkins;

. God is a New England Patriots fan. That is why He dumped 25 inches of snow on Buffalo and its Bills last week. Those evil Detroit Lions are next – a plague of frogs, perhaps;

. every day affords every one of us the opportunity to make someone’s else’s life a little better;

. the future of powerful men such as Al Gore and George W. Bush can hang by the thread of a few votes cast by the rest of us. That should keep them humble;

. we have teeth for those times when we need to bite our tongues;

. someone else does the job that requires a badge and bulletproof vest at work. Thank a police officer today;

. for the people who choose to teach our children. Thank a teacher today;

. for school vacations and the joy they bring my family;

. for opinions contrary to mine, and those willing to share them (even though they are all wrong, of course);

. there are old folks to remind us where we have been, and babies to remind us not to sacrifice the future for our present;

. for a love I will never fall out of;

. Rush Limbaugh comes via a medium that can be shut off, and that the term “windbag” exists;

. I have never experienced the hell of addiction to drugs or alcohol. Talk all you want about addiction and you still have no idea what you are talking about until you have been there;

. just when I am taking life too seriously my dog seems to choose that moment to drink out of the toilet;

. most of us have a family that will always take us in, no matter what;

. it is only a matter of time before Hood makes an aftershave with its eggnog;

. “Hope springs eternal.” Every time I swing at a golf ball I expect for a split second that it will go exactly where I thought I aimed it;

. entire factories are making golf balls marginally faster than I am losing them, which reminds me to give thanks for the beauty of the Maine woods;

. my doctor cannot watch me eat on Thanksgiving, and I am not going to have my cholesterol checked the day after;

. for what distinguishes great doctors, that being the ability to remain compassionate even when their patients have done something dumb;

. one of my children’s favorite Christmas traditions is choosing “Angel Tree” shopping assignments at the Bangor Mall;

. for friends who are willing to tell us about that piece of Thanksgiving stuffing wedged firmly between our front teeth;

. my teen-agers refuse to listen to verbally violent rap groups such as Eminem, and that before long we will be saying “Emi-who?”

. the media are there to remind us all that many in the world would give thanks for simpler things, including food, shelter, and peace. Without such reminders we might take too much for granted;

. fewer people voted for Pat Buchanan than can be stuffed into a large turkey;

. that, speaking of Pat Buchanan, large turkeys can find work in America;

. Maine law allows only justice, not revenge, for men who murder and dismember their wives;

. water and air are not brand- name prescription drugs with patents owned by some pharmaceutical company;

. some day a law might be passed requiring all professional athletes to spend one week a year working at a job that pays minimum wage;

. our community has Manna and restocked its cupboards after it was robbed;

. great music cranked up loud and listened to for a short while can almost always punt a bad mood right out of my head;

. movie popcorn;

. life in Maine will be the way it should be when a majority of its voters no longer think it is acceptable that a person can be fired from a job for being homosexual;

. eternity for telemarketers will certainly be a place in hell where they are called incessantly at suppertime;

. that a disputed election in this country does not mean troops in the streets;

. counting your blessings can be done without the approval of the Florida Supreme Court, and recounting them endlessly is a good idea.

Erik Steele, D.O. is the administrator for emergency services at Eastern Maine Medical Center and is on the staff for emergency department coverage at six hospitals in the Bangor Daily News coverage area.