Adoption conference planned > Colorado author to relate own experiences at Bangor gathering

BANGOR – Grace Robinson of Colorado was a single woman in her early 40s when she adopted three children in separate legal procedures. Ages 13, 12 and 9 at the time, the two girls and a boy brought much joy to her life, Robinson said, but also presented challenges she never dreamed would occur.

A free-lance writer and author of a book titled “Older Children Adoption,” Robinson will speak of her experiences at a conference in Bangor.

Sponsored by Adoptive and Foster Families of Maine – AFFUM for short – the conference is titled “Caring Today for a Brighter Tomorrow.” It will be held all day Friday, Dec. 1, and until noon Saturday, Dec. 2, at the Bangor Motor Inn and will be of interest to foster parents, adoptive parents, and everyone involved in adoptions from social workers and educators to lawyers and judges.

Also featured at the conference will be entertainer Rick Pinette, who grew up with a foster sister. Pinette, who now calls himself Mr. Ric, will present two workshops on team building Friday and sing in a musical performance Friday evening.

Robinson, who travels the guest lecture circuit, will deliver the keynote address Friday morning and then head a workshop titled “Parenting the Attachment Disordered Child.”

Her adopted children are now grown and ages 22, 28 and 29. They have given her 10 grandchildren. Now 64, Robinson said in a telephone interview that the eight years it took to raise them from adolescence to adulthood were “probably the most challenging, gratifying, alive years of my life.”

Some experiences were “so difficult I would not want them again, but in terms of the children, I’m very glad to have had them,” Robinson said.

“I think the reason I survived and the adoptions survived was that we had very good support,” the kind that AFFUM provides in Maine, Robinson said.

With agencies like AFFUM “people can go through what they couldn’t have imagined going through,” with children they adopted, Robinson added.

Based in Old Town, AFFUM offers support services for those thinking of adopting or those struggling with adoption issues. The event is the third annual training conference sponsored by the organization. It also will feature workshops on raising children affected by fetal alcohol syndrome, kinship care, the parent’s role in special education and other topics.

More than 150 people have registered so far for the conference, and spaces remained available as of Tuesday.

For Robinson, the conference represents another opportunity to give and to get perspectives on adoption. When her son turned 18, she began interviewing parents across the country. The challenges she had met, and conquered, were “pretty general,” especially with families adopting older children, Robinson said.

Possessing a master’s degree in economics with an advanced certificate tacked onto her academic accomplishment, Robinson has taught English as a second language and is an adjunct professor of urban economics at Dominican College in Blauvelt, N.Y. She has lectured on many college campuses and is a member of the board of directors of Family Resources, an agency specializing in issues surrounding adoption of older children.

Attachment disorder – her workshop topic – deals with an emotional and psychological condition of children who have been removed from their biological family at a young age or children who have been moved about several times within the foster care system and who find it difficult to become attached to anybody.

Grown-ups are objects of mistrust, especially to foster children who have been abused in the past. It can take years of therapy to break down the barriers put up by a child with attachment disorder. “Parenting a child with attachment issues can be very stressful,” said Robinson, who will tell conference participants the signs to watch out for and ways to assist with building bonds of trust with such a child.

Robinson’s kids are making their way in a grown-up world. Some are struggling with issues “but they’re on their way. They all are much more stable than they would be had we never met,” Robinson said.

“We’re still connected and their children all call me Grandma,” said Robinson.

“It’s not like a biological situation. It has its differences,” Robinson said.