Snack study offers food for thought

You are what you eat, or at least you should be, according to Dr. Alan R. Hirsch of the Smell And Taste Treatment and Research Foundation. In fact, Hirsch says if you are unhappy with your job, it could be just that snack you have in your hand.

Hirsch, who appears to have WAY too much time on his hands, conducted a study that concludes changing your snack could be more beneficial than changing your job, and a lot cheaper than going to medical school.

A specialist in the treatment of taste and smell loss, Hirsch is on the faculty at Mercy Hospital and Medical Center and is a professor of neurology at the Rush-Presbyterian-St. Luke’s Medical Center, all in the Chicago area. For reasons unknown, he decided to spend seven months last year correlating the connection between snacking, personality and job satisfaction.

His “hedonics,” or pleasure-oriented, study employed more than 18,000 adult volunteers (another Twinkie, Ralph?) across 35 occupations. He confessed that his snacks are normally crackers but did admit a weakness for an occasional chocolate brownie. In his study, he tried to determine whether snack foods were an indicator of personality type and would correlate to career choice.

In case you were wondering, potato chips and popcorn topped the list and the least favorite were meat products like jerky and pork rinds. What a shock.

Popcorn eaters (23 percent in the study) are self-assured and confident – the “take charge” sort of people. Popcorn eaters willingly take on extra work at the office or at home or at social gatherings, but they are also modest and humble, never showoffs. Hirsch says if you inherited a lot of money from what you thought was a poor relation, the relative was probably a popcorn eater. They won’t be happy unless they are teachers, artists, truck drivers, nurses, judges or neurosurgeons. (Now there’s a range!)

If you are a potato chip person, (21 percent) you are, “ambitious, successful, and a high achiever,” but you are easily frustrated at life’s inconveniences. You will never make it in the lines at Disney World. Don’t even play poker with a chip person, Hirsch says, because they are “worthy and prepared adversaries.” Plus, they get the cards all greasy. Hirsch said chip people should be lawyers, tennis pros, police officers (I thought they liked doughnuts) or a CEO.

If you are a tortilla chip snacker (12 percent), Hirsch says you are a perfectionist with a high expectation of yourself and not satisfied with anything less than an A-plus. You are a stickler for punctuality and are prim and proper at public gatherings – except for the crumbs you leave on the rug. You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and always handle the car repairs and household chores. Tortillas chip eaters should be farmers, travel agents, chefs, clergy or news anchors.

Pretzels came in at 16 percent. If pretzels are your snack food then you are likely to crave novelty (and beer) and easily become bored by the usual routine. You have a tendency to start new projects without completing the old ones and you are overly trusting in romantic relationships but always become the life of the party. You should be a firefighter, journalist, flight attendant or veterinarian.

Cheese curl (yuck) eaters should be avoided at all costs. They were 15 percent of the study and are formal, proper, conscientious, moral, principled and rotten with integrity – in other words, dreadfully boring. Their houses are always stocked and ready and they are very uncomfortable with a cluttered desk. If you are not a real estate agent, psychiatrist or film producer (or all three) you are in the wrong career.

Feel like a nut? Nut eaters (12 percent) tend to be easygoing, empathetic and understanding, The nut lover can be counted on to restore calm between the eternally warring chip and pretzel eaters. They are well-suited for handling emergency situations. Nut eaters may not be leaders but they allow the work to succeed. Nut eaters should be plumbers or politicians, sanitation workers, cardiologists or politicians.

Cracker eaters (only 6 percent) are contemplative, thoughtful, and rely on logic, not intuition. Hirsch says you are shy and introspective and avoid confrontation. The bad news is that you are highly likely to get involved in a romantic relationship over the Internet. If you are not a stockbroker or professional car racer, Dr. Hirsh says you will never be really happy.

Meat snack (jerky and pork rinds) eaters are gregarious, social and at their best in the company of others. They were only 4 percent of the study and were found to be generous to a fault, loyal and true-blue friends who could always be trusted. The bad news is that they are prone to rebound relationships and predisposed to emotional turmoil. They will not be happy unless they are dentists or bartenders, Hirsh says.

According to Hirsh, each American spends $57.10 annually to buy 22 pounds of junk food. Are you doing your share?