In theaters

VALENTINE. 95 minutes, R, directed by Jamie Blanks, written by Donna Powers, Wayne Powers, Gretchen Berg and Aaron Harberts. Based on the novel by Tom Savage.

The new Jamie Blanks movie, “Valentine,” serves as something of a warning to anyone in junior high school getting their kicks out of tormenting the class nerd – for the love of Cupid, kids, don’t do it.

As this film sees it, the class nerd won’t soon forget the bullying. Later in life, when those bullies have turned into adults, they might receive this sort of Valentine’s Day poem in the mail: “Roses are red, violets are blue; They’ll have to use dental records to identify you.”

As endearing as that poem is, the film from which it springs isn’t endearing – or scary – at all. I know it will probably come as a shock to some, but the cherry center in this film’s box of chocolates is about as rancid as it gets.

“Valentine,” from a novel by Tom Savage, took four writers to wrestle onto the screen. Four writers. No offense to Savage or to his literary prowess, but there’s nothing about his book that suggests even a dim-witted gerbil with a good agent and the will to create high camp couldn’t crank it out for the screen.

Still, Donna Powers, Wayne Powers, Gretchen Berg and Aaron Harberts gamely throw themselves into the task of turning “Valentine” into a stale, cliched killing spree, one that’s been done time and again in a wealth of better horror movies, especially “Halloween,” “Friday the 13th” and the “Scream” series.

Indeed, just as in those movies, “Valentine” presents a serial killer whose identity is hidden behind a mask, this time one that resembles Cupid if his face were dipped in acid. But unlike its predecessors, “Valentine” does little to conceal the identity of its killer.

Unfortunately, any fan of the genre will know within minutes who’s responsible for the film’s many bloody drillings, decapitations, stabbings, axings, electrocutions, death by heated irons and drownings.

The film, which sports a B-list cast in Denise Richards, David Boreanaz, Marley Shelton, Jessica Capshaw, Jessica Cauiffiel and, fleetingly, Katherine Heigl, is Blanks’ follow-up to his 1998 horror film, “Urban Legend,” another movie to feature a killer whose identity is concealed.

While it’s nice to see that Blanks is truly stretching his talents here, he still doesn’t seem to get it. As the success of “Scary Movie” and the “Scream” series prove, the slasher genre has become something to satire, not something to take seriously – and rightly so.

Still, audiences wanting more from a horror movie, nevertheless, should take heart – last weekend, “Valentine” did only modest business at the box office.

If this movie doesn’t put an arrow through Blanks’ career, perhaps it will put one straight through the heart of Warner Bros., the studio that gave it a green light.

Grade: F

On video and DVD

URBAN LEGENDS: FINAL CUT. 94 minutes, R, directed by John Ottman, written by Paul Harris Boardman and Scott Derrickson.

In 1998, when the first “Urban Legend” sliced its way into theaters, I wrote that it was the Monica Lewinsky of horror movies – so bad, it could bring an audience to its knees.

Now, with “Urban Legends: Final Cut” axing its way into video stores, it seems that audiences once again are brought to their knees – but this time, remarkably, for even less of a payoff.

The film, which is no sequel to the original, and worse, will seem a bit too familiar to anyone who saw “Scream 3,” should have been titled, “Urban Legends: Several Cuts Below Your Lowest Expectations.”

It’s not quite as bad as “Valentine,” but it’s still awful – a movie that cheats its core audience of teens with every horror movie convention and scare tactic in the book – the anonymous hand reaching out for the screaming girl, the screaming girl sitting beneath an open window, the sudden appearance of an animal (in this case, a barking dog) whose leaping presence is meant to jolt the audience with “something unexpected,” a masked killer whose identity isn’t revealed until the film’s final moments. And so on.

Since first-time director John Ottman is so dependent on the blueprint followed by most horror movie bombs, his film is sucked of whatever suspense it might have had. There isn’t one scary moment in this movie – not one – just people being murdered for the sake of people being murdered.

Sound like fun? It isn’t. In fact, the entire effort just drags along like a day-old corpse from a four-decade-old Hammer film.

The plot, such as it is, centers around a group of unlikable film students hoping to win the coveted Hitchcock Award at Alpine University. Since winning the award will boost one’s chances of making it as a director in Hollywood, the competition is fierce – which, predictably, means that those in the running for the award will start getting hacked to reduce the competition.

Who’s doing the killing? Take your pick – Ottman goes out of his way to suggest that any one of his characters could be the mysterious figure in the fencing mask. Worse, when he finally reveals the killer’s identity, it’s such an outlandish stretch, the film can’t contain the absurdity of it all. Thus, the audience is reduced to stupefied wonderment – not to mention a modest amount of laughter.

Grade: D-

Christopher Smith is the Bangor Daily News film critic. His reviews appear Mondays in Style, Thursdays in the scene, Tuesdays on “NEWS CENTER at 5” and Thursdays on “NEWS CENTER at 5:30” on WLBZ-2 and WCSH-6.

THE VIDEO CORNER

Renting a video? NEWS film critic Christopher Smith can help.

Below are his grades of recent releases in video stores.

Urban Legends: Final Cut D-

Whipped F-

Cecil B. Demented C

Dinosaur B

Dr. T and the Women D

The Eyes of Tammy Faye B+

Jesus’ Son A-

Solomon and Gaenor B+

What Lies Beneath B

Bait F

Battlefield Earth F-

Coyote Ugly C-

Disney’s The Kid B+

Me, Myself & Irene C+

Autumn in New York F

Hollow Man C-

The Art of War F

The Exorcist: The Version

You’ve Never Seen A

Godzilla 2000 B+

The Cell B

Road Trip D-

Saving Grace A-

Where the Money Is C+

The Virgin Suicides B+

Loser C-

The Road to El Dorado B-

Shower B+

Scary Movie B-

Shaft B+

Gone in 60 Seconds D

Groove B-

Nutty Professor II: The

Klumps C+

Trixie D+

The In Crowd F+

The Replacements D

Chicken Run A

Gladiator B-

X-Men C

Big Momma’s House B

Boys and Girls C-

Fantasia 2000 A-

The Perfect Storm A

Pokemon: The Movie

2000 D+

Mission: Impossible 2 B+

Titan A.E. B-

Frequency B

Return to Me B+

Thomas and the Magic

Railroad D

Center Stage D+

The Patriot B+

Toy Story 2 A

Keeping the Faith B+

Rules of Engagement C-

Shanghai Noon C

Pitch Black B+

East-West A-