In Theaters

ALONG CAME A SPIDER. 103 minutes, R, directed by Lee Tamahori, written by Marc Moss, based on the novel by James Patterson.

Three-quarters of the way through Lee Tamahori’s busy adaptation of James Patterson’s busy novel, “Along Came a Spider,” a Secret Service agent played by Monica Potter makes one of those throwaway comments that nearly says it all about the experience of watching the film: “This is worse than killing time.”

Not quite, but as thrillers go, “Along Came a Spider” is often funnier than it is thrilling. It’s doubtful whether Tamahori intended to make a comedy, but when an audience giggles and snorts just when they should be most tense, well, that’s nevertheless what the director pulled off.

“Along Came a Spider” is a prequel to Gary Fleder’s 1997 film, “Kiss the Girls,” a superior movie that took Patterson’s best-selling pulp novel of the same name and turned it into a smart, fast-paced thriller.

“Girls” worked for a lot of reasons, but mostly because screenwriter David Klass removed the hack from Patterson’s hack writing and made the novel’s implausible plot and stilted dialogue sing.

“Spider” doesn’t fare so well. Instead of liberating himself from Patterson’s book, Tamahori, working from a script by Mark Moss, binds himself to it, presenting a film that mirrors Patterson’s novel in that many of the scenes and much of the dialogue seem underscored with italics.

Without giving too much of the plot away, the film swirls around the abduction of a senator’s daughter by a kidnapper named Gary Soneji (Michael Wincott). With Agent Jezzie Flannigan (Potter) at his side, Dr. Alex Cross (Morgan Freeman) must root out Soneji and find the girl before she’s murdered.

Armed with a mother lode of sudden twists and turns – not to mention too many loopholes and implausibilities to suit – Tamahori cranks out a film that misses the point of what makes a good thriller work: plausible twists wrapped around believable characters caught in the throes of an engrossing story.

Still, “Spider” does have its moments, almost all of which come down to Freeman’s excellent performance as Cross. Transcending the thin material to turn in a performance that not only carries the film, but which nearly saves it, Freeman, a gifted actor who deserves better, infuses “Spider” with a coolness and an intelligence it otherwise would have lacked.

Grade: C-

On Video and DVD

SPACE COWBOYS. PG-13, 123 minutes, directed by Clint Eastwood and written by Ken Kaufman and Howard A. Klausner.

Clint Eastwood’s “Space Cowboys” is a treat, a film that relies on the experience of its cast – not to mention on the humor and suspense found within its strong script – to lift it far and above anything Eastwood has done in years.

Well-structured and smart, the film has its share of elaborate special effects, but it wisely balances them with what really matters: a sharp, rousing story that builds tension while also mounting a terrific comedy.

The film stars Eastwood, Tommy Lee Jones, Donald Sutherland and James Garner as four pilots of a certain age informed by NASA that a giant, Soviet-era communications satellite is hurtling out of orbit – and straight toward Earth.

Since Frank (Eastwood) is the only man alive who understands the technology behind the archaic satellite (he invented it), he calls on his old flight pals, Hawk (Jones), Jerry (Sutherland) and Tank (Garner), to join him on a mission to space to repair the satellite and direct it back into orbit.

The catch? First, each man must pass a grueling physical fitness examination.

Naturally, that’s where the film mines much of its comedy, particularly in a scene where the men are forced to strip down in front of a nurse and bare it all. It’s a scene that will have people talking, especially since Sutherland steals it with – how to put this delicately – his obvious lack of modesty.

With James Cromwell as Frank’s NASA nemesis and Marcia Gay Harden as a NASA engineer who falls in love with one of the men, the film has several key surprises, but the real shocker whirls high in the sky.

It won’t be revealed here exactly what that is, but know this: When the men do blast into space, the last 45 minutes of “Space Cowboys” becomes so tense and unnerving, the film ultimately gives audiences an unexpectedly gripping ride.

Grade: B+

Christopher Smith is the Bangor Daily News film critic. His reviews appear Mondays in Style, Thursdays in the scene, Tuesdays on “NEWS CENTER at 5” and Thursdays on “NEWS CENTER at 5:30” on WLBZ-2 and WCSH-6. He can be reached at BDNFilm1@aol.com.

THE VIDEO CORNER

Renting a video? NEWS film critic Christopher Smith can help. Below are his grades of recent releases in video stores.

Bounce ? B+

Men of Honor ? C-

Space Cowboys ? B+

Girlfight ? A-

102 Dalmatians ? B+

The Legend of

Bagger Vance ? D

Kestrel?s Eye ? A

Red Planet ? C+

Rugrats in Paris ? B+

Time Regained ? B+

Charlie?s Angels ? B+

The Legend of

Drunken Master ? B+

Lucky Numbers ? D-

Remember the Titans ? D

Almost Famous ? A

The Crew ? D

The 6th Day ? C+

The Tao of Steve ? B+

Meet the Parents ? B+

Wonder Boys ? A

Bedazzled ? B-

Lost Souls ? F

Nurse Betty ? C+

Beautiful ? D

Book of Shadows:

Blair Witch II ? F

The Original Kings of Comedy ? B+

The Watcher ? F

The Adventures of

Rocky and Bullwinkle ? D

Bless the Child ? D

Bring it On ? B+

Get Carter ? D-

Woman on Top ? B+

Urban Legends:

Final Cut ? D-

Whipped ? F-

Cecil B. Demented ? C