Thanks to paying occasional attention to the fine public education afforded me years ago, recent events stirred in the old memory a recollection, though dim, of Plato’s ”Apology,” his account of Socrates’ trial. Though the details have gone a bit fuzzy, I seem to recall that the famed teacher had been hauled before the Athens School Board on trumped-up charges of corrupting youth and that, given the opportunity to grovel his way out of it, old Socrates – refusing to turn his back on logic and truth – instead told the board to basically get stuffed.

That’s when somebody broke out the hemlock and it’s been all downhill for the apology ever since. It’s taken two and a half millennia or so, but the apology is back in the news big, as they say, time. The most newsworthy, of course, being the one the United States just gave China. Overall, it’s amazing that we got our 24 people back at the minor cost of having to write ”very sorry” two times and the Bush administration should be commended for handling the whole thing coolly and calmly. The not starting World War III part is especially nice.

Too bad that cool calmness didn’t extend past the White House. The airplane carrying our guys and gals hadn’t even made Guam before Cold Warriors in Congress and every hothead pundit started blathering about how we pulled a fast one and now needed to teach those Chinese once and for all not to mess with the U.S. The ink was hardly dry on those two very sorries and we were talking about selling Taiwan enough weapons to start World Wars III through XVII, not to mention shopping elsewhere for America’s sweatshop clothing needs.

The obvious problem (obvious to everyone except members of Congress and pundits) with giving China such a quick thumb in the eye is that, since we fully intend to continue these reconnaissance flights and have ever-expanding business ties, the possibility that Americans might again find themselves over there and in a jam is distinct. Throughout this mishap, we were told that the Chinese have something like 87 words for ”apologize.” Next time, they’ll want to make sure we use the one that means ”and we’re not just saying it just to get our people back.”

For an apology to really count it has to be sincere and that’s where the forced apology falls short – the reluctant apologizer invariably tries to admit wrong while maintaining right and it never seems to work out. There are a few exceptions – U.S. government apologies for the Tuskegee syphilis experiments and for the internment of Japanese-Americans were genuine and proper – but in general the apology that comes as the result of a demand usually flops. (Timing counts, too – Jane Fonda’s recent apology to Vietnam vets probably would have gone over better if she’d offered it sometime during the previous 25 years when she was somebody anybody cared about.)

Though not of such a high profile, there’s a case out in Colorado that illustrates perfectly the banality of the forced apology. Last May, in order to highlight flaws in the University of Colorado’s new policy regarding sweatshops and school-licensed apparel, an activist shoved a pie (blueberry) into the face of the UC chancellor. Last fall, the activist was convicted of a variety of misdemeanors in connection with the incident and sentenced to pay a small fine, to perform a little community service and to write a letter of apology to the chancellor. The fine’s been paid, the service done, but at last account the activist’s lawyer was still quibbling with the chancellor’s lawyer over the exact wording of the apology. Talk about your heartfelt.

Incidentally, while looking up that story, I learned that there are Web sites – with names like iamsorry.com – that will do your apologizing for you. You just fill out a form providing the particulars of the offense you committed and within seconds a thoughtful computer-generated e-mail is making it all better.

At the high-profile end of this phenomenon is Johnny Hart, creator of the comic strip ”B.C.” Mr. Hart has been drawing this strip for more than 40 years; in recent years he has become an evangelical Christian and often injects religious themes into the antics of his cavepeople, which is usually fine.

The strip Mr. Hart produced for Easter Sunday was not fine. It depicted the seven candles of a menorah – one of Judaism’s most cherished icons – being snuffed out as the seven last statements of Christ are spoken and, finally, the depleted menorah transforms into a cross. The implication that Judaism was an inferior faith to be replaced by Christianity, a mere warm-up act for the main event, is profoundly offensive to Jews and a common theme to the centuries of religious persecution they have endured.

Many newspapers, including this one, refused to publish this ill-conceived strip and many esteemed religious leaders – Jewish and not – tried to give Mr. Hart the benefit of the doubt by saying he simply was naive in trying to depict the complex theological and historical relationships between two of the world’s great religions in a two-panel comic strip.

An apology was in order and the whiny, convoluted concoction Mr. Hart served up would have had Mr. Socrates begging for a double hemlock. He – billed by his distributor as the world’s most popular cartoonist whose work is published in more than 1,300 newspapers – is the victim of religious persecution. Anyone who didn’t see that he was not denigrating Judaism but celebrating it needs to read the Bible (his Bible) more. He regretted if – if – anyone who misunderstood was offended (a subtle spin that makes it, ultimately, the offended person’s fault). At first I thought iamsorry.com couldn’t have said it better, but then, after a closer reading, I concluded it looked more like the work of notreally.com.

Speaking of apologies, I know that there are subjects not discussed in polite society – politics and religion – and that’s exactly what I’ve done.

Sorry.

Bruce Kyle is the assistant editorial page editor for the Bangor Daily News.