Slothfulness a lazy man’s way to long life

Aimless sloth. If there were a contest to describe the Cobb Manor lifestyle, those two would win the prize.

In a story out of Munich this week, German professor Peter Axt said sleeping in a hammock is a lot better for long life than running a marathon. Is that great or what? We all know those holier-than-thou runners who constantly throw their road mileage in your face every week.

Listen to Axt. “People who take a midday nap instead of playing squash have a better chance of living into old age. Research shows that people who run long distances into their 50s are using up energy they need for other purposes. They suffer memory loss. They suffer premature senility.”

In his groundbreaking study “On the Joy of Laziness,” my new best friend said his prescription for a long and healthy life is “waste half your free time. Just enjoy lazing around.”

I love this guy.

I am going to post this on the living room of my stately mansion, for use on Saturday mornings. My idea of a perfect Saturday morning is a three-egg omelet with ham and cheese, home fries with onions and garlic, English muffins and Turkish coffee, brew method of course. That is followed by lying on a couch, covered by at least three newspapers with ESPN on the tube, waiting for nap time.

You know what happens.

The phone rings off the hook. Phil wants to go canoeing. Blue Eyed Susan wants to climb some mountain, then go shopping somewhere. That would be fine, but she wants me to go. There is mowing and gardening to be done. Household repairs.

Now I can say I have adopted a new lifestyle endorsed by a German scientist: Aimless sloth.

I wonder if they have T-shirts? Hats?

If that wasn’t good enough, that story was followed by another study by another new best friend, Dr. Arthur Klatsky, a cardiologist at Kaiser Permanente Medical Center in Oakland, Calif. In the Journal of the American Medical Association, Arty tells us that moderate drinking lessens the risk of heart attacks, strokes caused by blood clots and clots that block circulation in the legs.

Not only is moderate drinking – two drinks a day – good for the heart, but one study said that alcohol boosts the risks of survival after a heart attack and reduces the risk of heart failure in older people. Heart attacks among moderate drinkers were 30 percent less than for teetotalers.

Of course, drinking too much has its own problems, including colon cancer, strokes caused by internal bleeding, plus kidney and liver problems.

But I didn’t have my first drink until I was 18. At two drinks a day, that means I started 6,570 days or 13,140 drinks behind. I am working hard to catch up, all in the aims of longer life and aimless sloth.

If you are looking for me, I will be on the couch.