Dear Abby Mother-daughter team brings compassion, humor to column

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It’s warm in the spotlight,” Jeanne Phillips says, “and you don’t want to get scorched. There’s safety in anonymity.”

True enough. But Phillips

has given up that safety, now, to stand side by side with her mother as co-creator of “Dear Abby,” the advice column beloved by newspaper readers around the world for four decades.

Not to worry. Pauline Esther Friedman Phillips, who founded the popular column more than four decades ago, hasn’t retired. It’s just that she’s officially acknowledged what has been a fact for 13 years – that the pair work together on the syndicated column.

Abigail Van Buren is now a “they” instead of a “she.”

But rest assured, whichever writer pens a column, the other one reads it.

“Always,” Jeanne Phillips emphasized last week in a telephone interview from Beverly Hills, Calif. “My mother edits me. Before that, I was editing her. She’s the better editor,”

she added.

It seems obvious now that Phillips would join the family business, so to speak. She had the good fortune to grow up with parents she felt were on the same wavelength, and her mother has praised her writing talents and common sense.

And yes, she did try her hand on occasion as a youngster, at her mother’s urging. But Phillips didn’t expect to wind up as partner and co-creator

of “Dear Abby.”

“When I was a teen-ager, I wasn’t thinking about a lifetime career. I was just a kid, trying to earn some money,” she recalled.

“My mother got a letter from an editor in the Midwest about his daughter. She was lonely, unpopular and had a weight problem,” she said.

Phillips’ mother asked her to write the girl a word of encouragement, which she did.

“She received a letter of thanks,” Phillips said. “That was worth more to me than the allowance. I felt the power of helping people, of making them feel good.”

As a youth, she answered quite a bit of mail from other teen-agers, but there were certainly times when her mother vetoed a response.

“I had to learn to temper some of my youthful exuberance,” she said.

Phillips didn’t enter college with the idea that she would join “Dear Abby,” but she did acquire a good background along the way.

“I majored in English and anthropology – the study of man. I love people, and find the study of other cultures to be fascinating,” Phillips said.

For a dozen years she co-wrote the majority of the syndicated radio shows for “Dear Abby,” then moved on to editing the column her mother wrote.

In 1987, she began co-writing “Dear Abby.” Late last year, Pauline Phillips made the announcement that her daughter would take a public role with the column – and be featured with her on its logo.

Together, the mother and daughter team recently accepted the star symbolizing the placing of “Dear Abby” on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Over the telephone, Jeanne Phillips has the same timbre in her voice, the same warm manner people have noted for years during her mother’s appearances on radio and television.

interviews yet, she explained, but her responses came easily and with enthusiasm.

Phillips said her mother still has the capacity to surprise her.

“All the time. She’s wonderful, and she has a wicked sense of humor,” she said.

And, of course, she’s learned a lot from the person who founded “Dear Abby” in 1956.

Then, too, Phillips doesn’t hesitate to consult experts.

“I don’t have to know everything. All I have to do is know what I don’t know,” she said. The gifts she tries to bring to each column are “a caring heart, compassion, a little humor and three decades of experience.”

Phillips’ own personal favorites among the thousands of questions that come in every year often focus on what she calls “the broken rules of etiquette,” such as sending out party invitations that specify presents.

Many columns have become beloved traditions, she acknowledged, including the annual “Just for Today” piece at New Year’s, encouraging readers to make positive changes a little at a time.

Another that always prompts reader response is “Welcome to Holland,” about the blessings of having a child with Down syndrome. “Dear Abby” compared the experience to planning a trip to Italy, and winding up in Holland.

Also popular, Phillips said, are topics such as “the 15 warning signs of an abuser; a dog’s prayer; how to get along with a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law; and table manners.”

The column has become known, as well, for “Operation Dear Abby,” which encourages readers to send greetings to members of the armed forces during the holidays.

“I’m committed to our servicemen and women, and our veterans,” Phillips said. “They have sacrificed so much for our country. It’s the least I can do as a proud American citizen.”

Several other issues will continue to get attention, she added, “organ donation, domestic violence, mental health, child safety, volunteerism, civility, alcohol abuse, inhalant abuse – and, I will continue to hammer away about the dangers of tobacco.”

Phillips and her mother are passionate about many of the same things, but it’s not the only reason they work so well together. A little space helps, too.

“We’re not on top of each other,” she explained. “My mother always works from her home. I always work from an office, with a staff.”

This first Mother’s Day in her more visible role as Pauline Phillips’ journalistic partner, Jeanne Phillips is still getting used to being the one who is often out front, doing the interviews.

Any special Mother’s Day memories?

“Every day I have with my mom is my special Mother’s Day,” she said without hesitating.