Word filtered out to us uncultured hinterland heathens this week that the newly reformulated, better-than-ever America East conference may not have changed too much since the Fabled Four up and quit.

Confused? Miss the news? Well, here it is…. as uncolored by my offended, provincial Maine sensibilities as I can make it:

America East’s athletic directors hate you. They hate your state. And there’s no way in hell they’re going to allow their men’s basketball tournament to be staged in the wilderness, where the weather, wild animals, and/or Mainers might make their lives miserable.

Sorry. Did I mention I’m being provincial?

First, let me make an important point: America East, as an entity, loves us.

Heck, their assistant commissioner for communications – Matt Bourque – is one of us! He’s a Maine grad. You could take this guy into University Forest, spin him around a couple times, and he’d be able to sniff his way back to the Bears Den in no time.

But the universities that make up America East? Many officials at these schools treat Maine as nothing but a quaint, dues-paying outpost.

Sorry. Getting carried away with my provincialism.

Maine bid for the men’s tourney. As did Stony Brook. And Vermont. And the two Boston schools that actually won this beauty contest, Northeastern and Boston U.

Now I can tell you a bit about the Boston college hoop scene: Basketball is so immensely popular at these schools that neither BU nor Northeastern even lets their men’s teams into their best arenas.

OK. That’s not fair. They do let them in.

As long as the players have hockey tickets in their hands.

That, of course, will change when the tourney heads to town. They’re going to play those games in Matthews Arena and Walter Brown Arena.

The best part of that? The 75 fans who show up for that stirring Vermont-Stony Brook play-in game will have thousands of seats to choose from.

Think I’m kidding? Let me put it to you this way: Let the Terriers and Huskies play each other at a venue of your choice.

Unless school’s in session, and you give away free hot dogs, and both teams are undefeated, it won’t outdraw a Presque Isle vs. Caribou showdown.

A basketball hotbed Beantown ain’t. Not for those teams, at least.

Perhaps the league’s athletic directors decided on Boston because the beer’s better. Perhaps it was because they figured out we Mainers couldn’t deliver on the free mooseback rides we promised.

More likely, it’s because Orono – and the rest of our state – has a reputation as being difficult to get to.

You want difficult? Try dodging the Big Dig to get from a hotel you couldn’t find to a gym nobody you ask for directions to seems to know exists … at 5 p.m. … while 500,000 rabid Bostonians try to run you down on their way back to the ‘burbs.

On particularly nasty days, you could drive from Portland to Orono in the time it takes you to get through all that mayhem.

But here? Most of the time we plow our roads, and it’s easy to get around. But I’m sure the voters didn’t realize that.

And they didn’t realize that lodging costs less.

And that the games would probably draw more fans.

And that visitors would stay in an area where people would treat you like you’re important … instead of a nuisance.

Of course, I didn’t get a chance to tell anyone that, though I’m not sure it would have done any good.

I’m just being provincial, after all.

John Holyoke is a NEWS sportswriter. His e-mail address is jholyoke@bangordailynews.net