Humility comes easily for writer

T.S. Eliot was not a columnist or he never would have said, “Humility is the most difficult of all virtues to achieve.”

It’s not difficult to achieve at all, as I’m reminded every so often by letter writers who find no merit – let alone humor – to this column.

“Dear Ms. Language Person,” a reader wrote from Dover-Foxcroft. “You were, of course, right that ‘it’s’ is not a possessive, but a conjunction? Don’t think so!”

Neither do I, but that is precisely what this “language person” said, carelessly typing “conjunction” when meaning “contraction” and neglecting to edit for such errors. As Mac Davis didn’t say: Lord it’s hard not to be humble when you’re imperfect in every way.

Then, there was the stinging letter from a Searsport reader who was “annoyed, then angered” by my “incredible misuse of the language.” A retired English professor, he flatly stated in his red-penned critique: “I would grade a student ‘F’ on this essay.”

Most of the time, however, the letters are pleasant communications, such as one from an Ellsworth woman in her 90s who shared her memories of cleaning sooty kerosene lamp chimneys with crumpled newspapers and making a paste of salt and vinegar to clean copper and brass. She wrote about Sunday night hymn sings with her grandfather at the parlor organ and about taffy pulls. She also offered suggestions for removing rust from cloth: lukewarm water, Fels Naptha soap, elbow grease and patience.

A Bangor reader wrote in response to a column on the cruelty of childhood games. “When I was in the third or fourth grade, I attended a birthday party. Competitive games were played …and at the end of the games everyone had won a loppypop except one child: me.”

The letter writer explained that the birthday girl’s mother, singling her out, presented her with one anyway. “How that hurt! I would have much preferred no loppypop at all, but no mention of the fact that I had failed to win one. I’m 65 years old now and I’ve never forgotten that. I hate that woman to this day.”

Then, recently, from another Bangor reader came a verbal lashing that would humble T.S. Eliot himself. Not only did the letter writer describe the column as “consistently banal,” but went on to say it is “condescending” in regard to the diverse characters, lifestyles and communities that make up Maine.

“As one ‘from away,’ who knows his place, I would never presume to take the liberties that Heidinger does in homogenizing a state and its people each week in her column. In a sense, all ‘naturalized’ Mainers are just guests here and a guest should know better than to insult his or her hosts.”

Occasional jokes poking fun at the stereotypical – and fictional – Mainer, are not intended to insult. Nor is it the purpose of this column to annoy, offend or anger anyone.

But there will always be readers who think otherwise, and they tend to be letter writers as well.

“Life is a long lesson in humility,” said James M. Barrie. Especially long for a columnist.