Years ago, a popular song started, “I want the waiter with the water.” Well, if that rings a bell you can forget it if the soft-drink companies have their way. They are campaigning against tap water, which is free, in favor of bottled “spring water,” which probably comes out of a tap somewhere but costs more than gasoline.

The H2NO campaign, as Coke calls it, had been quiet enough, conducted through an Internet memo to distributors and restaurants, until Rob Cockerham, a Web surfer in Sacramento, happened onto a Coke site that set forth the whole scheme.

Then Peter H. Gleick of Oakland, Calif., got into the act with a letter to The New York Times. He quoted Robert S. Morrison, a vice chairman of PepsiCo, as saying, “The biggest enemy is tap water.” And he quoted Susan D. Wellington, president of Pepsico’s Quaker Oats Co.’s Gatorade division, as saying, “When we’re done, tap water will be relegated to showers and washing dishes.” A Gatorade spokeswoman confirms that quote but says “it was a bit tongue in cheek.” She adds that when an athlete works up a big sweat he or she needs electrolytes, and “tap water doesn’t cut it.”

Coke’s memo concedes that water is necessary to sustain life but says that it “contributes to a dull dining experience for the customer.” Coke cites the case of the Olive Garden as one of is success stories. The restaurant chain was “facing a high water incidence rate.” Coke suggested its tap water reduction program, and Olive Garden developed its own variation, an employee incentive contest called “Just Say No to H2O.” Servers were trained to suggest a wide range of drinks including bottled water before offering plain tap water.

Coke says the goal was “increasing overall guest satisfaction” plus another incidental advantage: “As a side effect overall check averages should increase, and remember, increased check averages mean higher

profits for the restaurant and more cash in servers’ pockets.”

So if you have trouble getting a drink of plain water in a restaurant, you can blame Coke and Pepsi. But when it comes to Olive Garden, at least around here, hold your fire. Chris Fowler, general manager of the Bangor restaurant, never heard of the training program and says, “We’re not going to try to bully people. We might make suggestions, but if they want water they’ll get water.”