Just about everybody knows that economics is often called the “dismal science.” Most of us who slogged through Econ 101, even if our classroom performance was dismal, probably retained enough information to know the coiner of that expression was Thomas Carlyle, the 19th-century social critic.

What I didn’t know until I chanced upon an essay on that noted son of Scotland the other day is that Carlyle’s beef wasn’t with the entire field of economics but with a certain smug corner of it, led by the Englishman Thomas Malthus. Carlyle was a champion of the downtrodden; he believed the ruling class had an obligation to use its power, influence and wealth to improve the lot of the working class. The well-connected Malthus and his well-fed pals maintained that the best thing the working class could do would be to quit all that nasty reproducing lest they use up all the precious resources (like food and powdered wigs) that, after all, belonged to the ruling class. In truth, it wasn’t the science Carlyle found dismal; it was just some of the scientists.

If Carlyle were to walk among us today and if he spent a summer’s fortnight here in Maine, he would be bucked up considerably. There may not be much power, influence and wealth going into improving the lot of the working class, but at least the economists charged with speaking up for the best economic policies the state’s ruling class can buy are working awfully hard to make workers see the bright side of the dismal lot they’ve got.

And, boy, do they need it. Maine, though accustomed to economic disappointment, is presently cursed with a losing streak so long and ugly you’d think we’re the ones who sold the Bambino to the Yankees.

It started about six months ago when the first Census 2000 numbers came out – Maine was among that handful of states that had virtually no population growth in the last decade. Worse, evidence that people were fleeing northern Maine went from anecdotal to concrete, and in double-digit percentages.

This immediately was followed by the news, also derived from Census data, that Maine, thanks largely to its low wages, was the national champ in tax burden and, immediately after that, a report putting Maine among the top three states where you’d have to be crazy to try to do business. Mainers had heard these things for years; this year, for some reason, they attracted the attention of the cackling financial press throughout the English-speaking world.

Then came a report that Maine, despite claiming to cherish small business above all else, stinks when it comes to fostering the entrepreneurial spirit. Then one about Maine failing to close the pay gap between men and women. Then one noting that Maine is just about the only state that still doles out enormous tax breaks to enormous corporations without demanding good-paying jobs in return. Most recently, a report that wage growth in Maine during the economic boom was barely half the national average.

These truly are trying times, but Maine’s economic spokespersons are rising to the occasion, assuming the occasion calls for explanations that insult the intelligence of all species above the rank of snail. Worried about people fleeing Northern Maine? Don’t be, said the State Planning Office in quick response to the Census – this emptying out gives us the opportunity to plan for their return. (No date certain has been set for this return, but expect it about the time Hell gets a National Hockey League franchise.)

No. 1 in tax burden? We think not, said Revenue Services. The Census Bureau misplaced a decimal point or something – we just might be Number 2. Bad business climate? Every state worker even remotely associated with economic issues joined in the familiar chorus of “We’re too remote and too far north to do much better, but we’re working on it.” (Two of the best business states are Washington, not exactly right in the middle of everything, and Minnesota, famous for its horrid weather.)

No entrepreneurial spirit? Maine’s different, retorted the state Department of Economic and Community Development – a lot of small businesses here just don’t want to get big, not everyone wants to be the next EnvisioNet (although it wasn’t clear if that meant in the sense of growing or of going bankrupt), Gender gap? A toughie, said a state economist, a woman no less – you can’t make a girl want to grow up to be a scientist, even a dismal one. (You could, however, pay the CNA who cares for Grandma at least as much as you pay the guy riding the back of the garbage truck.)

Tie tax breaks to job creation or at least provable job retention, spread it out and cap it, as nearly every other state does, so that the taxes paid by small and medium-sized businesses aren’t subsidizing the plant closings and layoffs of the corporate giants? Again the full chorus, roughly translated for brevity’s sake – Maine didn’t get where it is today (that is, having perhaps the worst economy in North America) by following good examples.

The most imaginative response, though, came to the wage growth report, courtesy the State Planning Office. Wage growth isn’t all it’s cracked up to be – next thing you know, people are moving in and it gets crowded and polluted and, besides, you pay people 12 bucks an hour and sure as shootin’ in three or four years they’ll be wanting 13 and then where will you be?

Something else about Carlyle is that he thought heroes were hot stuff. In his view, it is bold, innovative and cunning people who change the world, not plodding institutions. This begs an obvious question.

No, the question is not why those responsible for heaping this great, steaming pile of failed economic policies on this poor state have not yet been forced to adopt aliases and wear false beards when out in public. The question is how much more can we ask of those who have to face the public to defend those policies – these are the real heroes of the Maine economy. Their explanations are bold, innovative and cunning, yes, but even the most fertile minds eventually run out of fertilizer.

One angle they might try, this being the age of globalization, is to think globally. The next time some smartypants report ranks Maine 50th in this or 49th in that, the response might be, “OK, so Mississippi lapped us, but we’re still way, way ahead of Bangladesh.” Might buy some time at least.

Actually, the next time scenario is not hypothetical. At this very moment, a new report is circulating saying that, as the country lurches through an economic slump and rising unemployment, some 25 percent of employers nationally plan to do some hiring in the next quarter; here in Maine, it’s just 10 percent. That means that, also at this very moment, somewhere in Augusta, one of Maine’s heroes in the fight against dismal economics is preparing a few comforting words about the value Maine people place on their leisure time.

Bruce Kyle is the assistant editorial page editor for the Bangor Daily News.