What do we tell the children?

As our nation reels from shock and confronts the reality of unthinkable devastation – of lives, families, dreams and potential – our children are watching and wondering. But what are they learning?

America’s children have experienced the fragility of life and the horror of senseless acts of violence in their schools, but never the total vulnerability of society that has shattered even the hardened cynics. With years of life experience, adults are struggling with overwhelming feelings of anger, bewilderment and sorrow. We can only imagine what is going through the minds of children.

With tolerance and values tested as never before, how can parents and other adults reach out to children with messages of the hope and spirit that have rallied and kept generations of Americans moving forward in the darkest times.

First of all, we must not let our horror turn to terror, nor our rage to revenge. There is a bold, courageous line between vengeance and justice. Finding a positive lesson in this tragedy without capitalizing on its treachery is a tremendous challenge for all of us. However, it is imperative that we help our children grow in understanding, even when nothing makes sense, and to teach some critical life lessons in the wake of staggering carnage.

As we search for answers, we can find many examples of greatness that should bolster our faith in humanity. We should help our children — and others — to celebrate the goodness that has prevailed, such as:

The common bonds of empathy and shared outrage that has brought people, communities and countries together to help one another, regardless of political or cultural differences.

The real heroes in this world, from the trained firefighters and rescue workers who put their lives on the line every day to the passing strangers who stopped to help and the thousands of people across the country lining up to donate blood for the injured.

The confidence to stand up for and take action to support our belief in a free society.

We must not let our children live in fear of the bad things that may happen. Rather, we must give them hope for the good things that will happen today and every day.

We must model for our children the spirit and resolve of this nation and its people. It is this vitality and resiliency that reflect our belief in ourselves, the future and the basic benevolence of humankind.

Dr. Russell Quaglia is director of the National Center for Students Aspirations, located at the University of Maine. The center provides leadership, research and interventions to help schools improve overall educational environments. Its research represents the voice and perspective of children and adolescents. Through surveys of more than 70,000 sixth-12 graders, the center has a broad understanding of how students feels about their lives, each other, influential adults and their future.