Stiller misses mark with fashion spoof ‘Zoolander’

In theaters

“Zoolander,” directed by Ben Stiller. Written by Drake Sather, Stiller and John Hamburg. 90 minutes. Rated PG-13.

The new Ben Stiller comedy “Zoolander” stars Stiller as Derek Zoolander, a preening, low-wattage male supermodel known for his “Blue Steel” look who comes to believe “there’s more to life than just being really, really, really good-looking.”

In his quest to find out what that possibly could be, Zoolander unwittingly becomes caught in a fashion-industry conspiracy (yes, they apparently exist), that involves knocking off the prime minister of Malaysia because the man is staunchly opposed to such messy haute-couture trappings as sweatshops and child labor.

Glossing over those sore spots, the film trots out a whole runway of peculiar characters, including Hansel (Owen Wilson), a breezy bit of brain-dead banality who recently dethroned Zoolander as Male Model of the Year; agency owner Maury Ballstein (Jerry Stiller), whose prostate, we’re lovingly told, is the size of a honeydew; and Mugatu (Will Ferrell), a ferociously bitchy designer with a bleached-blond poodle hairdo who’s new clothing line, Derelicte, is inspired by the resourceful, shabby chic innovations of the homeless.

As Douglas Keeve proved in his 1995 documentary, “Unzipped,” pulling the fashion world’s pigtails can be great fun; these people seem to deserve the treatment. But “Zoolander” too often shows its roots and never pulls hard enough.

More than anything, the film wants to be a cross between “The Manchurian Candidate,” “Austin Powers,” “Pret-a-Porter” and “Unzipped,” but none of it really gels because the material is too soft.

Co-writer and director Stiller mostly overlooks the industry’s inherent meanness, pettiness and flaring egos in favor of dumbed-down one-liners and silly sight gags, some of which score, such as the festive model showdown between Zoolander and Hansel, but most of which lack the edge that could have given the film a much-needed lift.

Inspired by a skit Stiller first introduced at the 1996 VH-1-Vogue Fashion Awards, “Zoolander” follows the fate of so many skits stretched into full-length comedies; moments work, but as a whole, the seams pop from too much padding.

Grade: C-

On video and DVD

“The Mummy Returns,” written and directed by Stephen Sommers. 125 minutes. Rated PG-13.

Directed by Stephen Sommers from a script he obviously wrote in binary code, “The Mummy Returns” picks up the action eight years after 1999’s “The Mummy” left off.

It follows Rick (Brendan Fraser), his Egyptologist wife, Evelyn (Rachel Weisz), and their young son, Alex (Freddie Boath), in a story that’s so painstakingly manufactured to give audiences more of the same, it essentially is the same.

The action swirls around control of an ancient bracelet that will allow the newly resurrected Imhotep (Arnold Vosloo), working alongside his asp-kissing lover, Anck-Su-Namun (Patricia Velasquez), to do a whole host of evil things, such as control armies, defeat the legendary Scorpion King (WWF’s The Rock, appearing for all of 10 minutes), and bring about “the next Apocalypse.”

Yes – the next Apocalypse. Apparently, Sommers isn’t aware that some are still awaiting the first Apocalypse – but I digress.

Fraser and Weisz are bubbly and do their best to work with the material, but since the material is choked with what really matters here – all the high-tech hokum – it’s a battle they never win.

Grade: D