In theaters

BANDITS, directed by Barry Levinson, written by Harley Peyton, 123 minutes, rated PG-13.

Everything about Barry Levinson’s “Bandits” is off – the performances, the direction, the script, the timing, the intent. It’s one of the dullest capers to come out of Hollywood in years, a substitute for sleep medication that’s so self-indulgent and plodding, it drove four people out of my screening midway through.

One wonders if they fell asleep in the parking lot.

The film’s badness comes as a surprise, especially since the cast – Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton and Cate Blanchett – is so appealing. But Levinson (“Diner,” “Rain Man”), somehow topping the lameness of his 1998 bomb, “Sphere,” wastes them all with lazy, uninspired direction and an unimaginative screenplay by Harley Peyton, which rips off elements of “Bonnie and Clyde,” “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” and “Dog Day Afternoon.”

Too bad it wasn’t the right elements, such as sharp writing, believable characters and a snappy chemistry between the actors. But since nobody here seems interested in making a movie – particularly this movie – that’s not what audiences get.

The film stars Willis and Thornton as Joe Blake and Terry Collins, a mismatched pair of bank robbers famously known as the Sleepover Bandits, a name given to them by the media because of their unusual MO.

Instead of barging into a bank and causing a scene, Joe and Terry – who, we’re reminded time and again, are really just a couple of nice guys in fright wigs with problems of their own – choose a different route. They take the bank manager hostage the night before, share dinner with him and his family, and then, the next morning, line their pockets with cash with the manager’s help.

No muss, no fuss – and hey, they score new friends in the process.

But when a bored, neurotic housewife named Kate (Blanchett) gets caught up in their shenanigans, the film, which has heretofore blown it as an off-beat comedy, now adds a shaky romantic twist as Joe and Terry fall for Kate – and she falls for them – a la Truffaut’s “Jules and Jim.”

Whatever. What kills “Bandits” from stealing its share of laughs isn’t just that everyone here is a type, but how endlessly chatty the script is. People love to talk in this movie, and yet nobody says anything funny or of much interest. They just talk and talk and talk, mugging at the screen and flailing their arms as if that, coupled with their star power, is enough to keep the padded production together.

It isn’t. Sixty minutes could have been cut from this movie and no one would have noticed. Except, of course, maybe those people who bailed midway through.

Grade: D

On video and DVD

ANGEL EYES, directed by Luis Mandoki, written by Gerald DiPego, 104 minutes, rated R.

The problem with Luis Mandoki’s “Angel Eyes” is that it wants to have it all.

It wants to be a cop thriller, a drama, a melodrama, a supernatural thriller, a romance and a tearjerker – yet since it never chooses which, audiences are lodged in its maddening haze.

The film stars Jennifer Lopez as Sharon Pogue, a Chicago cop whom we first see rushing to a freshly demolished car and begging the bloody passenger – whom we don’t see – to stay with her.

The screen fades to black without answering whether the passenger lives or dies.

A year later, the film finds Sharon running after a group of men who just shot a handful of her co-workers. After accidentally dropping her gun, Sharon is wrestled to the ground by one of the thugs and is about to get blown away herself when she’s suddenly saved by a stranger in a green trench coat. The film’s mystery doesn’t stem from whether this man is the same person Sharon saved in the film’s opening car wreck; audiences know he is even if the characters don’t know it yet. Instead, since “Angel Eyes” is inspired by “The Sixth Sense” and “City of Angels,” the mystery swirls around whether the stranger, Catch (Jim Caviezel), has anything to do with the angel of the film’s title.

Tossed into this mix is Sharon’s relationship with her physically abusive father (Victor Argo), but since that goes nowhere, the film’s success hinges on Sharon’s relationship with Catch, which has its moments.

Lopez and Caviezel, both good actors, have an easy chemistry that strengthens the film even when it’s at its most base and evasive; what interest the film generates – and sometimes it’s a fair amount of interest – is due in large part because of them.

Grade: C+

Christopher Smith is the Bangor Daily News film critic. His reviews appear Mondays and Fridays in Style, Tuesdays on “NEWS CENTER at 5” and Thursdays on “NEWS CENTER at 5:30” on WLBZ-2 and WCSH-6. He can be reached at BDNFilm1@aol.com.