You might have read that President Bush has chosen an advertising hotshot to spread the message to the Muslim world that America really is a culture of strong values, principles and morals.

As undersecretary of state for public diplomacy and public affairs, Charlotte Beers will organize an ambitious propaganda campaign intended to redefine “the identity of the United States for an audience who are, at best, cynical.” Considering that Islamic extremists hate us and our culture enough to want us dead, this will be a daunting task for Beers, a Madison Avenue whiz best known for her successful Uncle Ben’s rice account. If the plan is to dispel the notion that America is a crude, lewd and perverse nation, our own purveyors of popular culture are not helping matters much here on the home front.

If you’ve been watching the World Series, you might have seen the Fox TV promos for a new sitcom called “The Bernie Mac Show.” It might be an amusing show, for all I know, but one of the ads already has convinced me to reach for the remote when the sitcom debuts later this month. I’m speaking of the ad where grumpy Bernie is sitting on a toilet, doing his business in front of us. That’s right, a full-frame shot of a man on a john, with his pants down around his ankles. Just when you think the spot couldn’t get any more side-splittingly hilarious, Bernie realizes he has no toilet paper. He bellows to a young girl, presumably his daughter, to get him some.

It might be instructive to set the scene for this classy bit of modern American advertising. It appeared during one of the world’s biggest sports showcases, an event that has millions of kids and adults glued to TV sets here and abroad. And just before the promo came on, Emmylou Harris stood on the infield and treated us to a sweetly stirring rendition of “God Bless America” that would make any red-blooded American tear up with pride. So what does the ever-clever Fox TV do for an encore? It breaks to a commercial of some beefy guy sitting on the can. But the really funny part comes next. When the girl doesn’t bring the toilet paper, Bernie gets up – you’re gonna love this – and scrambles down the hall after her, with his pants still around his ankles as the laugh track roars.

The promo, a new low for TV, made me groan. My wife rolled her eyes and said, “You’ve got to be kidding.” And we’re Americans; we’re used to tasteless TV and movies. I’m certain that such an ad would have gotten Osama bin Laden’s turban in a real knot, or made your average Taliban holy man disgusted enough to drop his Quran and pick up a gun to shoot somebody.

If al-Qaida wanted to make our American propaganda backfire on us, it could host its own program called “The Infidel Hour” and broadcast it on Al-Jazeera, the satellite TV service widely watched in the Arab world. It could air snippets of teen movies such as “American Pie,” and find out how base Hollywood can be. It could show “Dumb and Dumber,” with a bathroom scene that makes “The Bernie Mac Show” look like Masterpiece Theatre. If it really wanted to make Muslims revile America, it could give them a night of “Temptation Island” reruns, or MTV’s “Jackass.” If that doesn’t make them want to burn U.S. flags in the streets, al-Qaida could simply stitch together some of the most repulsive TV antics of Tom Green and bill the creep as an icon of American humor.

Yes, Charlotte Beers will have a tough time changing Muslim perceptions about our popular culture. Why don’t we just make a cultural exchange with the Taliban, instead? They hand over bin Laden and his henchmen, we give them Tom Green and Fox TV mogul Rupert Murdoch. Then both sides can try the captives for their crimes against the state, no questions asked.

It’s a win-win situation.

Tom Weber’s column appears

Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.