In theaters

BEHIND ENEMY LINES, directed by John Moore. Written by David Veloz and Zak Penn. 105 minutes. Rated PG-13.

John Moore’s “Behind Enemy Lines” features the answer to capturing Osama bin Laden, defeating the Taliban, ending the conflict between the Palestinians and the Israelis and ceasing all wars in general: Send in Owen Wilson.

As Chris Burnett, a Navy flier whose jet is shot down over Bosnia during the Bosnian War, the actor displays an uncanny ability – some might say an uncanny stupidity – to run through wide-open fields while dodging bullets, bombs, land mines, sniper fire, helicopters, tanks and, in the end, the full weight of the Serbian army.

To stay alive, something he’s ordered to do by his commanding officer, Reigart (Gene Hackman), all Burnett apparently needs to do is duck his head and run like hell, the bullets and bombs greasing by him.

Even shrapnel doesn’t touch him. In the film’s most energetic scene, he darts through a series of exploding mines, which is initially fun to watch until you realize the whirlwind of rocks, glass, shards of metal and other debris kicked up by the explosions aren’t leaving a mark on him. They might as well be made of cotton.

As written by David Veloz and Zak Penn, two men who have obviously watched their share of “Top Gun,” “Three Kings” and “Saving Private Ryan,” “Behind Enemy Lines” has a handful of well-conceived action scenes and serviceable performances from Wilson and Hackman, but the script is determined to double-cross it and them at every turn.

Throughout, Burnett is never anything less than a superhuman force field, a man whose fearless ability to infiltrate armies and come away unscathed might feed into the country’s current patriotic, pro-military mood, but which nevertheless gets to the heart of the film’s undoing: It’s impossible to believe any of it.

What’s just as difficult to swallow is the technology Reigart uses to track Burnett, including a satellite that senses his body heat as he races through the woods, fields and bloody trenches of Bosnia several miles below.

Watching these scenes is like watching a crude video game, the type Atari hammered out in the ’80s, but their inclusion in a film that often feels like a video game makes sense when you read Moore’s credentials: He directed video game commercials before scoring this, his first feature film gig.

Grade: C-

On video and DVD

PEARL HARBOR, directed by Michael Bay. Written by Randall Wallace. 183 minutes. Rated PG-13.

The new advertising campaign for the much-trumpeted video-DVD release of “Pearl Harbor” claims that “history comes alive,” which is certainly curious considering the movie only uses the historic event as a backdrop for a gaggle of twentysomethings in love.

In the shadow of Sept. 11, the film is particularly banal. It consistently eschews historic accuracy in favor of the romantic triangle slumming at its core: Two flyboys from Tennessee, Rafe (Ben Affleck) and Danny (Josh Hartnett), fall hard for a lipsticked Navy nurse played by Kate Beckinsale.

The relationships that evolve – not to mention the bleeding-heart dialogue they inspire – are responsible for much of the film’s ongoing absurdity and its utter lack of soul.

Some might say that soul isn’t what “Pearl Harbor” the movie is all about, and they’d be right. What the film is about – and the main reason audiences spent $200 million to see it – is its re-enactment of the attack that led to our involvement in World War II.

In this respect, director Michael Bay succeeds, offering a stirring, 40-minute battle sequence that rains down at the film’s 90-minute mark. Technically, he offers nothing new, but for what it is, it’s rousing, a well-conceived reprieve by the Japanese that detracts from some of the most forced, cliched relationships ever tossed onto a movie screen.

About the Japanese – the film’s strongest comment against them and their involvement comes from Roosevelt (Jon Voight) himself; the film incorporates his infamous speech to powerful effect. Otherwise, in an effort to offend no one, Bay and screenwriter Randall Wallace present the Japanese as a people who just did what they had to do to protect their own interests and to ensure that they didn’t run out of oil after the United States cut them off. There’s never a mention of world domination.

Imagine if this were done in a film version of the recent terrorist attacks. Imagine if Hollywood, intent on making certain its product made as much money as it could in all parts of the world, sanitized the events of Sept. 11 so as to anger no one.

“Pearl Harbor” does just that. The film purports to be about a specific day in history, but that history is sifted so relentlessly through cheesecloth, it’s stretched in an all-out effort to stretch your entertainment dollar.

Grade: D

Christopher Smith is the Bangor Daily News film critic. His reviews appear Mondays and Fridays in Style, Tuesdays on “NEWS CENTER at 5” and Thursdays on “NEWS CENTER at 5:30” on WLBZ-2 and WCSH-6. He can be reached at BDNFilm1@aol.com.

The Video/DVD Corner

Renting a video or a DVD? NEWS film critic Christopher Smith can help. Below are his grades of recent releases in video stores.

American Outlaws ? F

Ghost of Mars ? C-

Pearl Harbor ? D

Summer Catch ? C-

Bread and Roses ? A-

Divided We Fall ? A

Made ? B

Pootie Tang ? D+

Osmosis Jones ? C-

Dr. Suess’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas ? D+

Planet of the Apes ? C-

America’s Sweethearts ?D+

crazy/beautiful ? B

Tomb Raider ? D+

Doctor Zhivago

(DVD debut) ? A-

The Golden Bowl ? C+

Legally Blonde ? B+

Shrek ? A-

Aimee & Jaguar ? A

The Animal ? B

Swordfish ? C

With a Friend Like

Harry? A-

Dr. Dolittle 2 ? C-

Dumbo (DVD debut) ? A

Final Fantasy:

The Spirits Within ? C+

Freddy Got

Fingered ? BOMB

Monty Python and the

Holy Grail ? B+

Angel Eyes ? C+

Cats & Dogs ? B+

Star Wars: The Phantom

Menace (DVD debut) ? B

Town & Country ? C+

Bridget Jones’s Diary? A-

One Night at McCool’s ? C-

Snow White and the

Seven Dwarfs (DVD debut) ? A+

Heartbreakers ? B+

The Mummy Returns ? D

Along Came a Spider ? C-

Citizen Kane

(DVD debut) ? A+

A Knight’s Tale ? C

Amores Perros ? A

Crocodile Dundee

in Los Angeles ? C-

Driven ? D

The Luzhin Defense ?B+

Startup.com ? A-

The Widow of St. Pierre ? A-

Spy Kids ? A-

Blow ? D+

Someone Like You ? D

The Dish ? A-

Exit Wounds ? D

Memento ? A-

The Tailor of Panama ? A-

Joe Dirt ? D+