Out-of-control parents, disrespectful athletes, screaming coaches and the lack of sportsmanship by all three groups are symptoms of a much bigger issue in youth sports today. Youth sports are in the news for all the wrong reasons.

Instead of being recognized as an important developmental experience that is great for kids’ self-esteem, for learning the value of teamwork, as a way to make new friends, and most importantly as a venue for fun, the rumble from the youth sports arena is about increasing incivility and violence.

The current tragic example is the much-publicized case of a hockey dad accused of causing the death of another father in a fight over their youngsters’ rough play on the ice. While such disasters grab our attention for their shock effect, they shout for us to re-evaluate the concept and purpose of youth sports in general.

Youth sports are fundamentally flawed in their organization. The inspiration is no longer about making the team. It is about making the “select team.” The incentive is not about playing with your friends. It’s about playing with kids on the “travel team.” And sadly, the ultimate goal of youth sports is not about having fun. It’s about being selected for the “elite team” and winning.

Where did we – well-meaning parents, coaches, young athletes, fans and community organizations – go wrong? First, we developed an athletic caste system (elite, select and travel teams) that is more discriminatory than exclusionary. Second, parents are way off base in thinking that their child is destined to social failure if he or she is not an all-star by age 10. Third, local communities are investing money for perceived premier young athletes and not expanding programs to reach all kids. Fourth, the rush to win at all costs has replaced healthy competition. And, finally, far too many of us have forgotten that sports should be fun.

Youth sports are not a stepping stone to the big leagues, or simply a place where the best athletes strut their stuff and wait for their parents to tell them what the sports agenda for the next day entails. Participation in sports should be a positive physical and emotional experience providing memories to last a lifetime instead of a short-lived encounter often ending before age 13. That’s when the majority of kids (over 70 percent) quit playing sports because it is no longer fun.

Redefining and restructuring youth sports is a huge job that will generate debate and meet resistance in many quarters. Indeed, it will take bold community recreation directors, coaches and parents to stand up and say “no” to having elite, select and all-star teams for kids who are too young to remember the alphabet.

The National Center for Student Aspirations takes that stand and applauds community members willing to put youth sports back in the news for all the right reasons.

Through our research and work with student athletes, parents, coaches, schools and communities, the NCSA is convinced that the same conditions that can both foster and discourage student aspirations and positive experiences on school playing fields are just as effective – and needed more – in community-based youth sports programs. All of the NCSA’s work centers on research about students’ perspectives on their needs, lives and education. Over and over, students rank coaches and parents as major influences and role models in their lives.

In recent surveys of high school varsity athletes, 90 percent saw their coach as a positive role model, yet only 55 percent claim practicing good sportsmanship is important. And while 94 percent want their parents to attend their games, a quarter are embarrassed by their parents’ behavior at sporting events. How much more impressionable and susceptible are younger children to unrealistic expectations and frenzied conduct of coaches and parents bent on seeing their children excel and team win instead of providing a positive learning experience and a good time?

Coaches and parents, especially in youth sports, must be on the same team as the kids. And the kids are there to participate, learn some skills and have fun. It’s time for adults to leave playing to the youngsters and concentrate on what they can do best – model respect, responsibility, fairness and good citizenship – lessons that will be remembered and emulated long after the final score is forgotten. It’s time to stand up and work together to challenge and change the climate of youth sports to an atmosphere most conducive to the long-term, positive development of our children.

Russ Quaglia is director of the National Center for Student Aspirations at the University of Maine; Andrea Cole is senior staff associate. They are co-authors of “Teaching Heroes,” an instructional guide for coaches, parents and student athletes on modeling the benefits and life lessons of sports.