Streaker caper likely to bear much scrutiny

If you read Thursday’s news story about the indecent exposure case, which you probably did after seeing the words “female streakers” in the headline, you might have reached a conclusion similar to mine. This has got to be the weirdest example of sex discrimination Maine has ever seen.

For those who missed it, let’s review the bare essentials. Last fall, two female students from the University of Maine felt the urge to run naked through Orono. Being young and idealistic, however, they thought their dash should be more than a mere college prank. It should have deeper social significance. It should make a statement about injustice. Terrorism seemed a worthy cause to disrobe over. And so, in the tradition of student activism dating back to the 1960s, the two women streaked naked down Main Street to protest the expansion of police powers in the fight against terrorists. Also in the tradition of student activism, they were promptly busted by the cops.

But when they went to court in Bangor to plead guilty and pay their fines, Judge Ronald Russell’s interpretation of the state’s indecent conduct law raised doubts about whether it was illegal at all for women to run naked in Maine. As the law now reads, people are not allowed to knowingly expose their genitals in public so as to cause affront or alarm. That wording left the judge to wonder if it were possible for a woman to do that, anatomically speaking, by simply walking or running naked. A man, on the other hand, is considered to have illegally made his privates public the moment he hits the streets and takes the locals aback with his naked affront. Faced with this surprising legal development, which probably could have been avoided had legislators referred to a copy of “Gray’s Anatomy” before writing the indecency statute, the two women decided to plead not guilty and to put the issue on trial later this month.

The unusual turn of events apparently has upset Orono Police Chief Albert Dravidzius, who is concerned that the literal interpretation of the law might result in “a flood of unclothed women” swarming through his otherwise properly clad town. If females are allowed to waltz around nude, he asks, what’s to stop a whole gang of them from parading right into Pat’s Pizza in their birthday suits while he’s trying to enjoy a meal with his kids?

While I can understand the chief’s concerns, I don’t think he really has much to worry about. For much of the year, Maine’s cold weather serves as an effective natural deterrent to sudden outbursts of mass nudity. I think it’s safe to say that not even the most committed campus activists really want to risk getting frostbite – or a bad case of chapped skin, at the very least – for their pet causes.

In the unlikely event that the literal interpretation of the statute holds up in court, causing women all over Maine to celebrate spring by roaming around like a horde of Lady Godivas, the state could reap some unexpected economic benefits. Enrollment at the University of Maine would probably soar, especially among young males seeking a truly progressive college atmosphere. Tourists would pour into our fair state, lured by the tantalizing promise of experiencing “The Way Life Should Be” in its rawest, most natural form. Perhaps we could get the band “Barenaked Ladies” up here to kick off the National Folk Festival that’s coming to Bangor this summer.

Debra Ballou, one of the defendants in the indecency case, said she doesn’t believe she did anything wrong. Not only that, she would like streaking to become an equal-opportunity activity for all to enjoy. “I think everyone should be able to run around naked,” said the budding horticulturalist.

I’ll be curious to see how this odd trial unfolds on Jan. 30. Whatever the outcome, the people of Maine are sure to get the naked truth.