Employing a tactic most often found among mob hitmen, the lead Andersen accountant for the Enron books refuses to testify before Congress – David “The Amortizer” Duncan says he can offer no information whatsoever that will not be self-incriminating. Can’t wait to hear Tony Soprano order his crew to crunch somebody’s numbers.

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Enron Chairman Kenneth “Boy” Lay has resigned, complaining that the criminal investigations under way impede his ability to run the company effectively. Since he ran Enron into the largest bankruptcy in history without such interference, perhaps what he really means is that the investigations impede his ability to run, but there’s still a chance to hide.

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After weeks of merely shrugging at the catastrophic losses honest Enron employees suffered to their retirement accounts, President Bush suddenly is afire with outrage, swearing that these evildoers will pay to the fullest extent of the law. What led to this turnaround remains a mystery, but it’s possible that Hell hath no fury like a mother-in-law stiffed for eight grand.

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Gov. King’s State of the State speech this week left a lot of heads being scratched. His extensive review of accomplishments of the last seven years and his observations about the challenges that lie ahead for his successor left many wondering whether it was an outline of his agenda for the coming legislative session or a farewell address. Some listeners even swear they heard an RV idling in the background.

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The Land for Maine’s Future board voted this week to proceed with the purchase of 5.5 acres at Mere Point in Brunswick for a public boat launch, using some of the money set aside by voters in 1999 for waterfront access. Property owners of the adjacent summer colony are objecting, even threatening to sue, saying the public launch would detract from their enjoyment of their private wharf. Sounds like a job for the Land Somewhere Else for Maine’s Future board.