It’s been a wild, hectic, fun, exhausting, inspiring week. The Bangor Auditorium has been rocking (and leaking like a sieve).

And for the past eight days or so, I’ve had my tourney radar up and running. You thought that was just a nosy guy listening to you in the men’s room? Nope. That was me. You thought I couldn’t hear what you were saying, way up high in the nosebleed seats? Wrong again.

Like I said, I’ve been tuned in, sniffing the wind like a big, fat beagle. And I know some of you are a bit confused. You’ve got questions. And me? I’ve got answers.

Which questions, you ask? Well … you know … the kind of questions that are so obvious, I don’t even have to repeat them here. All I’ve got to do is give you the answers.

Like this:

No, the hot dogs are not radioactive. They’re supposed to look like that. And the red casing doesn’t hurt you … as far as I know.

No, they are not all named Beal and Alley. Many of them are. But there are plenty of Kelleys and Carvers, and a few Durkees and Merchants, too.

Yes, it was a travel. No, the referee didn’t see it. No, he’s not blind. Yes, his mother does love him.

No, it wasn’t a travel. It was a jump-stop. Yes, it looks illegal.

No, it wasn’t a three-second violation. The three-second count restarts every time a shot goes up. (And by bellowing “THREE SECONDS!” a second after someone shoots, as a thundering herd of rebounders chases the ball, you’re identifying yourself as a grade-A tournament hot-dog brain.

Yes, Lanna Martin is good. No, there’s nothing in the Calais water that makes the Blue Devils so unbeatable, year after year. Yes, their pre-game T-shirts refer to Todd Beamer, a real American hero.

Yes, I’ll take two. With mustard. You can drop them by the press table any time you want.

Yes, it was a block. Yes, it was a charge. (I’ve always had a hard time with that rule, too. … it all seems to depend which side of the hall you’re sitting on).

Yes, Bracey Barker can leap up and touch the rim.

No, the refs don’t hate you. Well, that may not be true. They might not like you too much, because you keep yelling at them. Rest assured, though, they don’t hate your team.

Yes, without Jason Harvey, the Bucksport Golden Bucks would be good. Yes, with their star guard, they are a bit better than that.

Yes, it has been cold in the Auditorium this year.

Yes, the floor boards that were a bit out of kilter were like that all week (I know, because I noticed it just before throwing up some pre-tourney bricks during the media free-throw contest).

No, Mike Dyer did not drill a hole in the Auditorium roof so people would realize the old barn is … old. (But I swear I saw a city councilor on the grassy knoll).

Yes, when the girl threw up during a game early in the week, the tournament janitorial staff did put down some kitty litter. They did pick up what they could. They did sweep the rest under the press table … and all over my shoes.

No, I have not washed my shoes. It would be bad tourney karma.

Yes, Ordie Alley deserved a berth in another Eastern Maine championship game. Yes, Bangor Christian deserved the same, after star guard David Chrisos ended up in the hospital after a serious car accident.

Yes, Ordie Alley visited Chrisos in the hospital.

Yes, sometimes, good things happen to good people (see Alley, above). And yes, sometimes bad things happen to good people (see Chrisos).

No, I have not seen enough basketball yet.

Yes, Championship Saturday is upon us … again.

Yes, special memories await. Yes, I’ll be there.

And yes … you will be, too.

John Holyoke is a NEWS sportswriter. His e-mail address is jholyoke@bangordailynews.net