Jim was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease about three years ago. At first, his memory problems were not severe, but frustrating to both him and his wife – and sole caregiver – Mary. As his memory worsened to the point that he was unable to maintain focus on his favorite activities, the couple went out less frequently. This resulted in a certain amount of social isolation.

Jim’s family made brief visits to the home occasionally, but failed to realize how much stress Mary was under. She was left feeling discouraged and depressed.

“Spouses don’t often see themselves as caregivers,” said Michaela McCarthy, coordinator for Partners in Caring. “They look at themselves as just doing what married couples do because of the vows that were taken. But, they need help and support because they have become exhausted, usually caring for the person 24 hours a day.”

Partners in Caring, a program of Eastern Agency on Aging, provides information and support for caregivers of a loved one with Alzheimer’s disease or other type of dementia. The program also can help pay for several hours of in-home respite each week, supplied by either a professional or a trusted family member or friend. This allows the caregiver time to do other things, or just take a break.

“Ideally, we would get caregivers early in their caregiver duties,” said McCarthy. “By the time they ask for help, usually they are extremely tired and at wits’ end. They often don’t realize that when they are rested and refreshed, they are better able to care for their loved one. And there is a variety of ways we can help. ”

Partners in Caring also can assist the caregiver with paying for adult day services. There are six such centers in the Greater Bangor area. They are:

. In Bangor: My Friend’s Place, Adult Day Service Program at Ross Manor, Westgate Adult Day Program at Westgate Manor, and Senior Treatment and Respite Services, known as STARS.

. In Hermon: Apple Orchard Senior Day Center.

. In Old Town: Golden Years Adult Day Break.

These centers or programs offer a safe, secure setting with supervision and a change of scenery. Refreshments may also be provided.

Furthermore, financial assistance is available for two full weeks, throughout the year, of overnight respite at a residential care facility or at home, in case the caregiver needs to go away on business or wants to take a vacation.

“One woman, who is caring for her mother at home, arranged for this service so she could attend her granddaughter’s wedding out of state,” said McCarthy. “When she returned, she reported that her mother seemed to be energized by the social stimulation of the nursing home, that she had participated in the activities and asked if she could visit again.”

Mary had heard about Partners in Caring, but it was only after some encouragement from her doctor that she made the call.

Mary and Jim discussed their options, and decided to try an adult day program. Initially, Mary started taking her husband just one day a week because she feared he would not like the group atmosphere of the program – having previously withdrawn from most of the couple’s past social activities. Her fears were unfounded, however. After attending for a short time, Jim enjoyed the program so much he now goes twice a week.

Jim’s improved spirits and his enjoyment of the program did not go unnoticed by his family. Some of his siblings now help Mary by occasionally driving Jim to the center. Sometimes they stay with him on a Sunday morning so that she can go to church.

The adult day program has improved Mary’s life, too. She now has two days a week, during which she is able to attend activities at her local senior center, reconnect with old friends and do things to take care of herself.

“Respite care can prevent caregivers from burning out,” said McCarthy. “Caregiving can be overwhelming because usually caregivers focus their whole life on their loved one. However, taking time for themselves is important for renewal of energy and spirit.”

To qualify for Partners in Caring, a physician’s diagnosis of dementia is necessary. There is no income limit for this program, but there are some asset guidelines.

“The best thing to do is call us,” said McCarthy. “And, even if you feel you’re not in the need of respite now, it is good to know what options are available when the need arises. Taking care of yourself makes taking care of someone else easier. Respite is beneficial to both parties.”

For more information on Partners in Caring, call Michaela McCarthy at Eastern Agency on Aging at 941-2865.

Carol Higgins is director of communications at Eastern Agency on Aging in Bangor. For more information about EAA, log onto www.eaaa.org, or call 941-2865 and ask for Marilyn or Chuck.