A strange relationship calls for a strange act

Maine’s relationship with the moose is a strange one. This majestic beast is at once a proud symbol of the state’s outdoor heritage, a prized quarry for hunters, a persistent menace to motorists and, some say, nearly edible. Not to mention a perennial First Runner Up in license-plate design contests.

It’s no surprise, then, that one of the stranger bills in the Legislature’s sights this session (you can’t write about hunting in this state without firearms word-play – it’s the law) has to do with moose. It’s L.D. 2180, presented by Sen. John Martin, cosponsored by Sens. Bennett and Michaud, Reps. Colwell, Bruno, Dunlap, McGlocklin and Schneider. It’s called “An Act to Provide Funding for Conservation Education.”

It could just as well be called “An Act to Give Rich People Cuts in Line.” Here’s why.

This bill would set aside 10 of the moose permits issued each year (3,000 this year) through the moose lottery, that annual contest in which tens of thousands of hunters ante up $5 apiece ($10 for flatlanders) for a chance to pop a moose. Those 10 permits would be auctioned off to the highest bidders. So, while Average Joes from Alfred to Allagash are sweating out whether this finally will be their lucky year, H. Joseph Moneybags III and nine other swells are kicking back and writing checks.

Seasoned outdoorspersons no doubt are saying: “Spare us the populist outrage, Sparky. Maine already has a moose auction for rich folks, created by the Legislature back in ’93. Five permits are set aside each year. It takes a $25 non-refundable fee to enter the bidding. Last year the winning bids ranged from $9,252 to $11,000. The money goes directly to the Department of Inland Fisheries and Wildlife and it’s all used to send several hundred Maine youngsters to conservation education summer camp, where they take part in a wide array of outdoor activities including wildlife identification, boating safety, fishing, firearms handling, hunter safety, map and compass work, woods survival and much more. And don’t ask us what kind of nut would pay that kind of money to hunt an animal with all the cunning of a tree stump and the flavor of one of the more pungent grades of cardboard. Some things defy explanation.”

Since rich people already are getting cuts in line, though for a good cause, let’s instead call this bill “An Act to Grease Up a National Organization With Considerable Political Clout.” Here’s why.

In the existing moose auction, as stated above, all of the money from the five permits goes to Maine’s IF&W, which spends very cent sending Maine kids to camp. In this new auction, the 10 permits would be handed over to (deep breath) “a tax-exempt national organization that raises tax-deductible contributions in support of a wide range of firearm-related, public-interest activities, including promoting firearms and hunting safety, enhancing the marksmanship skill of those participating in the shooting sports and educating the general public about firearms in their historic, technologic and artistic context” (gasp) which would auction them off, give half the money back to Maine’s IF&W for youth conservation education camp and keep the other half for itself.

The specific national organization is not named in this legislation and no doubt there are dozens of such organizations that meet all the criteria, up to and including that artistic context business. Certainly, since Maine moose are a public resource that belongs to all Maine people, the organization these lawmakers have in mind to profit from this resource must be one the entire Maine public would be proud to support. For the sake of argument (and brevity), let’s pretend there is such an organization and it’s named Neurotically – no, make that Necessarily Riled and Armed.

This fictional NRA (any wink resemblance to an actual national organization is unintentional wink and strictly wink coincidental) then, would get half the take from the auction of 10 permits, Maine the other half. Currently, you recall, Maine gets all the take from the auction of five permits.

This means that, unless this fictional NRA has a bead on (obeying the law again) even bigger nuts than Maine’s been able to bag, we’ll be giving twice as many rich people cuts in line ahead of twice as many Average Joes for no gain in the number of Maine youngsters who get to go to summer camp.

It’s a good thing this bill does not include in the criteria for the unnamed national organization that will receive this windfall that it be prone to hysteria – no, make that that it be heavily engaged in lobbying Congress and state legislatures for legislation it favors and against legislation is opposes. Or that it has a well-funded political action committee that contributes generous support to the campaigns of candidates it likes or that runs attack ads trashing candidates it hates. Using a public resource to benefit such an organization – that would be wrong.

Speaking of wrong. To all you moose out there, I do apologize for that tree stump crack. It was uncalled for and untrue. Any animal that can make people behave in such strange ways must be cunning, indeed. And that flavor comparison likewise was a cheap shot. The Legislature serves up things far harder to stomach.

Bruce Kyle is the assistant editorial page editor for the Bangor Daily News.