‘New Guy’ joyless, oddly incoherent Teen comedy offers nothing fresh, new

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In theaters

THE NEW GUY, directed by Ed Decter, written by David Kendall, 100 minutes, rated PG-13.

As a study of one teen’s personal transformation from uber-geek to uber-stud, Ed Decter’s “The New Guy” is something of a triumph, I suppose, if only because it manages to complete that impossible task without the help of a special effects team. Otherwise, the movie itself is joyless dreck, another dumbed-down teen comedy fired out of Hollywood with all the crudeness of a spitball.

The film, from a script by David Kendall, is about the life and hard-luck times of Dizzy Gillespie Harrison (DJ Qualls of “Road Trip”), a geeky high school nerd whose penultimate humiliation in a life filled with humiliations comes fast and furious early on: After becoming sexually aroused during class registration, Dizzy has his manhood broken by the school’s octogenarian librarian for the entire school to see.

It’s an event that leads the wildly unpopular Dizzy to a meltdown, a makeover and a reawakening. Indeed, after being given antipsychotic drugs by the school’s counselor (Illeana Douglas), he eventually breaks enough school rules to land himself in prison, where he meets a streetwise cellmate named Luther (Eddie Griffin) – and creates a new identity for himself with the help of Luther’s ultrasmooth “gangsta” moves.

Oddly incoherent in spite of its simplistic premise, the film does generate a handful of laughs as Luther teaches Dizzy how to fight dirty, cast a “crazy eye,” and dance like a white boy pretending to be black. But the moment Diz changes his name to Gil and is transferred out of prison to a new school, where he successfully woos a busty cheerleader played by Eliza Dushku, “The New Guy” sinks faster than any joke in “Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise.”

Peppered with parodies of “Braveheart,” “Urban Cowboy” and “Patton” – not to mention a forgettable turn by Lyle Lovett as Dizzy’s father and some questionable cameos from Gene Simmons, Vanilla Ice, Kool Moe Dee, Tommy Lee, Henry Rollins and Tony Hawk – “The New Guy,” not surprisingly, offers nothing fresh, nothing new. It’s unlikely that anyone will show up to see it by accident, but by the time the film resorts to rolling a dwarf, they might wonder if they had.

Grade: D

On video and DVD

FROM HELL, directed by Albert Hughes and Allen Hughes, written by Terry Hayes and Rafael Yglesias, 137 minutes, rated R.

From its claustrophobic shots of gaslit streets, blood-red skies, freshly cut corpses, and syphilitic whores slinking in the slums of London’s Whitechapel district circa 1888, Albert and Allen Hughes’ “From Hell” is a violent mood letter sent to shock the senses.

Inspired by the story of Jack the Ripper, the legendary psychopath who terrorized London for 10 weeks in 1888, the film is a speculative account of who Ripper was and why he went on his bloody killing spree, gutting five prostitutes before vanishing to become one of history’s favored enigmas.

Based on the graphic novel by Alan Moore and Terry Hayes, the film wouldn’t be nearly as effective without its rich atmosphere, which is soaked in a heady mix of Gothic and Victorian excess.

It follows Frederick Abberline (Johnny Depp), an opium-addicted inspector from Scotland Yard whose trippy dreams have the power of helping him solve crimes. Because of his psychic gift, Abberline is enlisted to track down Ripper, who’s viciously murdering prostitutes for their genitalia, which he brutally removes for a gruesome keepsake.

But why a keepsake? As the body count rises and the blood begins to flow, Abberline’s investigation takes him to the highs and lows of London society, where he infiltrates a secret group of Freemasons, befriends Queen Victoria’s physician (Ian Holm), and meets a pretty prostitute named Mary (Heather Graham) who – if Ripper has his way – won’t be flashing her angelic smile for long.

A film that looks this great can’t help building expectations; certainly, you hope, the quality will extend to the characters, performances and story. But with the exception of a few individual scenes, “From Hell” never rises to the brilliance of its cinematography or to its superb sets; it may look otherwise, but it’s rarely anything more than a camp melodrama filled with cartoonish characters straight out of “Sweeney Todd.”

Grade: C

Christopher Smith’s reviews appear Mondays and Fridays in Style, occasionally on Fridays on E! Entertainment’s “E! News Weekend,” Tuesdays on “NEWS CENTER at 5” and Thursdays on “NEWS CENTER at 5:30” on WLBZ-2 and WCSH-6. He can be reached at BDNFilm1@aol.com.

THE VIDEO/DVD CORNER

Renting a video or a DVD? NEWS film critic Christopher Smith can help. Below are his grades of recent releases in video stores.

Corky Romano ? D-

From Hell ? C

The Others ? B+

Snow Dogs ? B-

Ocean’s Eleven ? B

Waking Life ? A

Ali ? B+

Not Another Teen Movie ? C-

Behind Enemy Lines ? C-

No Man’s Land ? A

Black Knight ? F

The Deep End ? A

Domestic Disturbance ? C

The Man Who Wasn’t There ? B+

Mulholland Drive ? A

Spy Game ? C+

Bandits ? D

13 Ghosts ? F

Donnie Darko ? B

K-Pax ? B-

Life as a House ? C

Original Sin ? F

Our Lady of the Assassins ? B+

Riding in Cars with Boys ? B-

Training Day ? B-

Heist ? B+

Joy Ride ? B+

Zoolander ? C-

A.I. ? B-

The Last Castle ? C-

Sexy Beast ? B+

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back ? F

The Musketeer ? D-

The Taste of Others ? A-

Don’t Say a Word ? C-

Hardball ? C+

O ? B+

Hearts in Atlantis ? B

Life Without Dick ? D

Captain Corelli’s Mandolin ? D

Ghost World ? A

Lost & Delirious ? C-

Atlantis: The Lost Empire ? C

The Curse of the Jade Scorpion ? B-

Lisa Picard is “Famous” ? B

Kiss of the Dragon ? B-

Rock Star ? B

American Pie 2 ? C+

Bubble Boy ? F

Glitter ? D

Sound and Fury ? A

Jeepers Creepers ? D

The Fast and the Furious ? B

The Glass House ? C

Greenfingers ? B-

What’s the Worse that Could

Happen ? D

The Center of the World ? C

Evolution ? D-

Two Can Play That Game ? C+

Moulin Rouge ? A-