Bangor SPEAKOUT walk encourages gays to show affection in public

BANGOR – Sandi Carver and Suzanne Hara decided to throw caution to the wind Sunday.

They walked down Main Street holding hands.

Although the Hampden women typically are hesitant about public displays of affection, they said they were determined to be more open about their homosexuality.

That’s why the two participated in the city’s third annual “Walk With the Ones You Love,” sponsored by the Maine SPEAKOUT Project to affirm that Maine is a state where all should feel free to be themselves in public without worrying about harassment or violence.

Formed in 1995, SPEAKOUT is a nonprofit organization promoting respect among people with different sexual orientations

Starting in Pickering Square, more than 60 walkers – many of them members of the Hammond Street Congregational Church – marched through downtown, stopping at the Kenduskeag Stream Bridge to cast carnations into the water as a tribute to Charlie Howard, a gay man who drowned in 1984 after being thrown from the bridge.

Fern Stearns of Milford, who helped organize the walk, pointed to a pamphlet that stated the event was born when two SPEAKOUT members traveled to Provincetown, Mass., “and realized how wonderful it was to be in an environment where same-sex public displays of affection were the norm rather than a furtive moment.”

“I know those two men,” said Stearns, the mother of a gay son. “They weren’t flagrant. They just love each other and wanted to be able to hold hands.”

Calling tolerance “kind of static,” Stearns said the walk enabled people “to go beyond tolerance to be affirming and supportive.”

Walking with her daughter-in-law and her 8-month-old twin grandsons, Phyllis Harrington of Bangor said their participation marked the continuation of her family’s support of gay rights.

“We’re three generations,” she said proudly.

SPEAKOUT member Dan Williams of Bangor said the event drew the largest crowd in its brief three-year history.

“People are becoming more tolerant and aware,” he said.

But Andrew Thomits of Bangor said he and his partner had been holding hands at a local bar once when customers “told us we should go somewhere else.”

“Everyone has a different feeling about what’s appropriate with a public display [of affection],” Thomits said. “But if you do it as a straight person, you want to do it as a gay person.”

Holding hands “is a basic right,” said Hara, as she and Carver walked happily along. The women said they felt they were doing their part to promote tolerance.

“We figure repression is 50-50 and we’re half of the equation,” said Hara, who hoped others would see them and “feel liberated.”