Yellow flag forces NASCAR race to end with a whimper

Idle thoughts from a mind gone haywire:

After sitting in front of a TV for more than three hours, explaining to my 8-year-old why 12 cars started simultaneously careening out of control, and interpreting for her what Darrell Waltrip was saying (I was raised in Tennessee, I speak Southern), it sure steamed my beans when the lunkheads in charge of NASCAR decided to end last Saturday night’s race under a yellow flag.

After three hours of Gearhead 101, of listening to Larry McReynolds explain how the efferexterstopper maintains the platonometer’s equilibrium and that giving a car a wedgie helps with its downforce, somebody in charge had another drink and decided to make “America’s fastest-growing sport” just another night at the demolition derby.

It was proof that idiocy isn’t necessarily owned and licensed by the head honchos at Major League Baseball. It seems there’s plenty enough to go around.

It’s not enough to just listen to the syrup and the drawled-out, endorsement-laden verbiage that makes you want to stand up and scream, “Run, Forrest, run,” at the screen, but then they deliver the knockout blow at the end.

What happened was that a wreck occurred with just a few laps remaining in what had been an exciting and entertaining race.

Instead of telling the drivers to stop cold in their tracks while things were cleaned up, the decision was made to finish the race under a caution flag.

What had been pure rock and roll and adrenaline for three hours was suddenly turned into a tea party, please pass the crumpets.

I must have mumbled something menacing because my daughter looked up at me from the floor where she was coloring in a Scooby Doo coloring book and said, “Ruh, roh.”

People threw things on the track. Seat cushions, programs were flying. Glad to see I wasn’t the only one it bothered. Thought for a few minutes they were trying to get to me. Not that I’m paranoid or anything.

Question 67 or 68 (apologies to the band Chicago) – Why is it that Ricky Craven can’t seem to get lug nuts that work or someone who can put them on his car where they won’t fall off? Just wondering.

A little unsolicited advice for Cindy Blodgett: When in France, do as the French do – speak French. Not only would you be able to converse with your coach, but you would also be able to order the occasional meal.

One of the problems with many Americans who travel to Europe to work is that we expect the Europeans to cater to our needs. We expect every European to speak English, and when they don’t, they’re the one who is stupid. Been there, done that. Here’s a secret – the French who speak English will not go out of their way to use it unless you show at least an attempt to speak their language.

Cindy, you were a leading scorer over there. You can make some money playing over there. Go play basketball there while you can. Learn some French. Have a nice big plate of roulade de veau a la creme and a bottle of Moulin a Vent.

Enjoy it while you’re young.

And a final salute to the U.S. men’s soccer team. And a reminder that it was predicted in this space that they would reach the quarterfinals. I also predicted the French would win the thing. They didn’t score a single goal and went home after three games.

Salute!

Landon Donovan, Josh Wolff, DeMarcus Beasley, and Clint Mathis. There’s plenty more where those guys came from just like them.

The U.S. will be a credible World Cup contender in 2006 in Germany and games will be on TV in the middle of the afternoon.

Don Perryman can be reached at 990-8045, (800) 310-8600 or dperryman@bangordailynews.net.