The driver of a Mister Softee truck in Hartford, Conn., will face assault and breach of peace charges for allegedly attacking a regular critic of the music coming from his truck’s loudspeakers, according to The Associated Press. More specifically, the assault charge is for allegedly attacking the critic with a bat. The breach of peace charge is for inflicting “Turkey in the Straw” on everyone within earshot.

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A doctor called the other day to point out that food stamps do not help pay for toothpaste, observing that Medicaid costs for treating tooth decay would be higher than the preventive coverage of toothpaste and, what the heck, floss. His theory that the government assumes people with toothaches will eat less and thereby use fewer stamps seems like a form of cynicism derived from filling out too many federal health care forms.

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In a thoroughly entertaining and well-distributed story about the declining numbers of outhouses – particularly two-story outhouses – in Maine, the esteemed daily newspaper in the southern part of the state helpfully added: “In a two-story outhouse, for

the uninitiated, the upper hole is offset from the lower hole so that the waste passes safely on the way down.” It is difficult to choose which is the more noteworthy – the passing of the outhouses or the newspaper’s belief in

the need for that explanation.

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We know neither the number of letters the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services sends out each year nor its mailing budget, but this office received a letter via e-mail July 5 from the department’s assistant secretary for children and families, Wade F. Horn, Ph.D. An error in his letter prompted us to reply, also via e-mail, thus confirming we had received the letter, which then appeared corrected in the letters section July 9. On July 10, Dr. Horn’s office sent by certified mail a copy of the uncorrected letter, which arrived July 15. Mailing cost: $2.90. Value of confirming all those thoughts about a time- and money-wasting government: That and more.